MMM Search Term Roundup 16: January 2014 - March 2014

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by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

do i have to wear a shirt and tie to mormon church
I would at least wear a shirt.

mormon soaking floating marinating
Whatever you call it, you’re not fooling anyone.

are mormon men good in bed
No.

are murmons good in bed
Yes.

why dont mormons have nipples
You’re thinking of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

MMM Search Term Roundup 15: January 2014 - March 2014

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by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

spencer w. kimball if you are bored in sacrament meeting, it is because you are boring
I must be really, really, really boring then.

my baby screamed through blessing
Then it didn't count. Sorry. God can't hear what you're saying over the crying.

pictures of ammon cutting off arms
You need some art to hang in your kitchen?

what to expect on a mormon first date
Light petting at most.

rowan atkinson mormon
Oh this would be a dream come true.

wear yellow for a return missionary
Please don’t do that.

MMM Search Term Roundup 14: October 2013 - December 2013

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by Scott Heffernan:

See all Search Term Roundups here.

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

is it okay to cut up lds hymn book
If it touches the ground, you're actually required to do this.

mormon dating too expensive
Mormon dating is pretty much the cheapest dating you're going to get.

heavy petting
I actually prefer light.

book of mormon musical parental guide
Yeah, I think I’d have the kiddos skip that one.

nephi, have some peanuts

why mormon men are awesome
Because we blog about our feelings.

MMM Search Term Roundup 14: July 2013 - September 2013

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by Scott Heffernan:

See all Search Term Roundups here.

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

how are mormon children punished
We make them go to church for three hours.

things to bless a baby with
Super speed and x-ray vision.

mormon labyrinth

can mormons wear tank tops
Of course! What a silly question.

can mormon guys wear tank tops
Nope.

MMM Search Term Roundup 13: April 2013 - June 2013

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by Scott Heffernan:

See all Search Term Roundups here.

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

lds terrestrial kingdom games activities
The TK will have the lesser games/activities—golf, rollerblading, synchronized swimming, Chutes and Ladders, etc.

why do mormon people want to go to byu
It’s cheap and you get to turn people in for honor code violations.

mormons red wine vinegar
I enjoy a glass with dinner every night.

pictures of mormon men with long hair

things mormons do on the first date
Ice blocking and light petting.

MMM Search Term Roundup 12: December 2012 - March 2013

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by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

what is the cheesiest mormon hymn
Have I Done Any Gouda?
Brie Still, My Soul
Edam-ondi-Ahman

how to complement a mormon
Tell them they have a nice smile... Then say, "Celestial smile! Zing!" And laugh and laugh.

lds what happens with you are a member and you get a std
Itchiness and burning. Just like everyone else.

are mormons allowed to watch tv
Yep! But if it's TV-14 or above, we have to watch it in black and white. (Such a weird rule.)

80's mormon art

MMM Search Term Roundup 11: October & November 2012

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by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

why is there no mormon skaters
I’ve heard a couple of these guys are Mormon.

a mormon man has been approaching me
That's weird. Usually there's two of them.

mormon men lingerie
It’s being naked except for black socks.

bad teaching in elders quorum
Never heard of this happening.

did tim mcgraw grow up in the norman religion
Nobody cares.

MMM Search Term Roundup 10: August & September 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

corianton a story of unholy love
Danielle Steele’s forthcoming romance novel. (Or a film based on a B.H. Roberts novel.)

do morman men wear white under shirts
Mine are more gray and yellow and see through.

how to smile like a mormon
Get those white undershirts. Celestial Smile.

lds men with earrings
They are rare. But they are special.

can mormon men be naked

MMM Library: MMM Search Term Roundup 1

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

Read the roundup that started all roundups. This post was originally published on August 25, 2011.

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

mormon men exposed
This is NOT that kind of site. Go try By Common Consent—I heard there were some leaked photos of Steve Evans.

what if judgement day doesn't happen tomorrow
It didn't. What did you end up doing instead?

poems about diet coke
I searched and didn't immediately find anything I was impressed with. Any of our commenters want to venture a verse?

mormon man good in bed
Absolutely!

dennis rodman mormon
Not even close.

MMM Search Term Roundup 9: June & July 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

cher makes mormons mad
I know this is referring to a specific event, but I like it better on its own.

mormon mom trying to hook up her newly returned missionary
And I’m sure it's greatly appreciated. Not embarrassing at all.

photos of the terrestrial kingdom
You do realize you typed “photos,” right?

are mormon men encouraged to avoid eye contact with women
At. All. Costs.

is harrison ford lds
No, but he played one in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

MMM Search Term Roundup 8: April & May 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

mormon socks
The only socks going to the Celestial Kingdom. (But they have to be in pairs to make it to the highest level.)

mormon eccentricities
There aren't any really.

mormon making out
The best kind of making out.

young hip and mormon blogs
Two out of three ain’t bad.

when a mormon man loves a woman
This was the original title to the famous Percy Sledge song. Probably wouldn't have had quite the reach. Good move.

MMM Search Term Roundup 7: February & March 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

how important is it being the 2nd counsellor in a mormon bishopric
Slightly less important than being the 1st counsellor?

do mormons eat celery
Yeah, we just can’t smoke it.

boys to men sermons
Check out “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” or “End of the Road.”

do you have to have a license to be a morman
Only in the same sense that you need a license to ill.

keep mormonism weird
I don’t think we’re in any danger here.

MMM Search Term Roundup 7: December 2011 & January 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

i hate my church calling mormon
You must be in scouts or the nursery... Wait a second... You're the bishop!

christmas dos and don'ts for lds
Do deck the halls, don’t neck in the halls.
Do spread holiday cheer, don’t drink holiday beer.
Do stand under the mistletoe, don't stand under the mistletoe until you're sixteen.

can mormon men and woman eat toghether
It’s discouraged, but not forbidden. My wife and I ate together a few months ago. It was spectacular. TMI?

lds friendships with gay people not allowed
It's okay as long as they don’t eat together.

what happens at modern mormon weddings
...stays at modern Mormon weddings.

MMM Search Term Roundup 6: October & November 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

how to punish your wife mormon
I would venture to guess that she’s already been punished enough.

i hate scouts lds
The program or the actual kids? Either way, me too.

i am mormon and don't think being gay is wrong
i am mormon and think i am gay
i am mormon and i am gay
I like to pretend this was all the same person. There is a progression there.

dunking mormon
This could either refer to baptism by immersion or Thurl Bailey.

word of wisdom of facial hair
The word of wisdom allows for facial hair “only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.”

MMM Search Term Roundup 5: September 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

who is the mormon blogger named uncle something
You must be thinking of Uncle Ben. He’s not a Mormon though. Actually he's not a blogger either. He makes rice and/or gives sagely advice to his nephew, Peter Parker.

"trail of diarrhea"
It makes me happy that someone found our blog by typing the exact phrase, "trail of diarrhea."

do colds effect men more than women
Kind of a ridiculous question.

my boyfriend bought lucky overalls
Run. Run like the wind.

mormon ghosts

MMM Search Term Roundup 4: August 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

i lied to get my yw recognition award mormon
Now you must wear that necklace as a badge of shame, Hester.

tv shows guys should not watch
Cougar Town. Just... don't.

is phil dunphy lds
We get quite a bit of these for Phil Dunphy. As far as I can tell, he's a fictional character. So... no.

are the kardashians mormon
Again, fictional characters.

can mormon's attend same sex weddings
Yes. Can gays attend Mormon weddings?

how to crush a mormon's faith
You are a bad person.

MMM Search Term Roundup 3: July 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

mormon prophet yoda
Yoda was a prophet, but he was a Jedi—not a Mormon. I've heard his temple work has now been done though.

are mormon women allowed to laugh out loud
They’re not. Technically they are not even supposed to type “LOL!” Actually we shouldn’t even be talking about this.

testimony about cross-dressing
"I know with every fiber of my... clothing..."

marriage argue with "clothes off"
Going to try this.

christopher reeve in cardigan
I couldn’t find anything out there, but wanted to see it too. So I made this...

MMM Search Term Roundup 2: June 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

i'm mormon and my husband and i are into swinging
Go see your bishop... and stake president.

mormon church of jesus christ and garth brooks
"Garth Brooks has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men, than any other man that ever lived."
- Chris Gaines

modern hairstyle for lds


















who should be my first pick in the bishopric
Is Google the new God?

can mormon couples sleep next to each other
Yes. Well, kind of. During full and waxing crescent moons, it's fine. Otherwise there has to be a pair of Saucony sneakers in between. But the sneakers have to be wrapped in velvet (any color).

MMM Search Term Roundup 1: April & May 2011

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

mormon men exposed
This is NOT that kind of site. Go try By Common Consent—I heard there were some leaked photos of Steve Evans.

what if judgement day doesn't happen tomorrow
It didn't. What did you end up doing instead?

poems about diet coke
I searched and didn't immediately find anything I was impressed with. Any of our commenters want to venture a verse?

mormon man good in bed
Absolutely!

dennis rodman mormon
Not even close.