Just Be There
James A. Robertson
Happy Father’s Day!
I have looked over what
I am to say at least a dozen times; I do not believe there is a single Dad Joke
in my talk. To all of the fathers out there: I am sorry… I have failed you. To
everyone else in the congregation: I noticed the collective sigh of relief--you
are welcome.
I am going to begin by
telling you all something that most of the congregation may have trouble
believing. As I began to prepare this talk, I was literally speechless--at a
complete loss for words. The one person who seems to always have something to
say… had NOTHING.
I sought inspiration
through fasting, prayer, and temple worship. I sought inspiration by reading
the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of
Great Price. Of course, I sought inspiration by pondering the Articles of
Faith--and could only come up with the first one: We believe in God the Eternal
Father, and in his Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. That’s the only
one that mentions fatherhood, right?
And then inspiration
struck.
Where did I find
inspiration for my Father’s Day talk, you might ask? From the most likely--and
probably the most obvious--of sources: from fatherhood. Duh, right??? Let me
explain:
For Mother’s Day, I… I
mean, the BOYS… bought Ashley a two-day stay at a hotel in the Energy
Corridor--a bit of a stay-cation if you will--where she could be away from all
motherly responsibilities and able to concentrate on herself with no
interruptions from anyone else. We went out to eat that Friday evening as a
family, after checking her into the hotel, then we went back to the hotel to do
family scripture reading and family prayer. After that, the boys and I said
goodbye to Mommy for two nights and a day of unsupervised bro-dom running amok
in the house!
That weekend had the
brotential to be brollific--and we had a BLAST! We had huge bowls of fruit
loops to start the day, went to the pool, played video games, made jokes about
“no girls allowed in the house,” had guy time with guy hugs and just
testoteroned it up all day Saturday. We were just three broskis in the brocess
of being broductive!
Well… The next day,
Sunday, I was getting the boys ready for church; we would pick up Mommy right
before heading to the chapel. As I was helping them get dressed, I was telling
them “we need to look super handsome for Mommy--and we need to be certain we
tell Mommy how much we missed her, and how beautiful we think she is this
morning!”
And then it hit me: I
was totally Dadding them. I know what you’re thinking: what is dadding? It
simply being a dad. It’s a word because I made it a word.
Well, it came out of
nowhere, but I couldn’t help but look back at the past day or so: I was having
fun with them, preparing them, teaching them, helping them, being there for
them all weekend. I was totally Dadding.
You know, a popular
adage says something to the effect that your greatest ability is your
availability. When it comes to being a dad, win, lose, or draw, the most
important thing you can do for your children boils down to three simple words:
Just Be There.
In The Beginning…
Parenthood is an eternal
and divinely-appointed position; we learn from the Proclamation on the Family
that “The First Commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their
potential for parenthood as husband and wife.”1 And, indeed, the general authorities of the church continue to
“declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the
earth remains in force.”1 But further revelation indicates that the
divine mission of parenthood didn’t necessarily start with mortal birth. As
Elder John A. Widtsoe explained:
“According to the Great Plan, all who, in the
Great Council, accepted the Christ [in the premortal life], will in time appear
on earth, clothed with mortal bodies. All these spirits must be born as
children into the world. A high purpose, if not the main one, of the earth work
must be...to continue the race by begetting children and properly caring for
them until they reach maturity. Undoubtedly, [those] waiting spirits are hoping
patiently for their turn to reach the earth--a glorious step in the progressive
advancement of man, which the spirits have earned by their righteous lives.”2
Therefore, we all knew
of the Plan and accepted it--knowing that could entail parenthood and the
possibility of producing progeny. Elder Widtsoe goes on to explain that:
“This doctrine makes clear the meaning of the
first great command, to multiply and replenish the earth, [noting that this
commandment] is not only for the joy and satisfaction of humanity, with the
possibility of begetting offspring, but as much for the fulfilment of the
eternal Great Plan...This is the greatest and holiest and most necessary
mission of man, with respect to the waiting spirits [those children of Heavenly
Father who chose to accept Christ in premortal life and follow the Great
Plan--and who have not yet been born]. Fatherhood and motherhood become
glorified in the light of the eternal plan of salvation.”2
So ‘just be there’
started with us being there in the beginning--choosing the plan that could
include parenthood. We were there when the Council occurred! We have already
fulfilled that first commitment, as evidenced by our being here on this earth
now. So how do we continue to ‘be there’?
How Do We Be There Now?
We live in a world that
moves at light speed. Information is available at a pace that cannot
comfortably be fathomed by the human intellect. The news cycle has decreased
from 24 hours to 24 seconds, and with ever-increasing computing and
communication speeds, the cycle becomes faster and faster.
With so much information
at our fingertips, with so much to do and so little time in which to accomplish
it, with all of the extracurricular activities available to our children, it
can become so tough to slow down long enough to parent our children because… we
are so busy “parenting” our children. And for working fathers, the
responsibility of winning the bread removes us from the home during the prime
hours of the day that our families could spend together. These are not
necessarily BAD THINGS… In fact, they are part of our roles as parents.
Sometimes a refresher in
what my divinely-appointed duties consist is much appreciated amid the hustle
and bustle of day-to-day life. I refer back to the Proclamation:
“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their
children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual
needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments
of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live… Mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these
obligations.”1
We cannot discharge the
sacred duties of our posts as fathers if we are not PRESENT with our
children--in other words, when we ARE home with our families, ‘just be there.’
What does that mean?
That means putting away
your phone for more than five minutes to spend time with your kids--trust me,
Facebook, Instagram, and The Art of Manliness will be there when you come back.
That means stopping to answer a question--even a seemingly innocuous
one--because if your child does not feel like you are answering them, they will
stop asking you (that does NOT mean they will stop asking questions--only that
they will stop asking YOU). That means being cognizant of the energy, the aura,
the spirit in your home, and being in tune with how the Lord wants you to
preside as the Patriarch. JUST BE THERE!
So how do we know how to
‘be there’? With slight variation, the Proclamation states that “successful
[fatherhood] is established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer,
repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome
recreational activities.”1
Similar wording can be
found in the Doctrine and Covenants when the Lord tells Joseph Smith about righteous
wielding of the Priesthood:
41 No power or influence can or ought to be
maintained by virtue of the priesthood [FATHERHOOD???], only by persuasion, by
long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall
greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved
upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward
him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;3
As fathers, we lead in
our homes and utilize the Lord’s power on earth, the Priesthood, to do so in
righteousness. We bless our families! Our children are not the enemy; I think
we all know that as a matter of fact. The enemy is the Adversary; and boy,
would he love to win over our children! It is our charge as fathers to ensure
that the Adversary fails in his devious plans.
You gotta ‘be there’ to
fight for your family.
Fighting the Good Fight
It is Us versus The
World and the battle rages on!
“By divine design,
fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are
responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their
families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”1
That’s it. There is
nothing more in the Proclamation--the roles have been set, we know our duties,
so let’s go get to work, right? Oh, wait, there’s more here… Should have
finished reading the quote first:
“In these sacred
responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as
equal partners.”1
Equal partners… That is
not ALWAYS the case...
I grew up in this ward;
therefore, many of you already know of the circumstances surrounding my entry
into this mortal realm. As the product of promiscuity, I was raised by a single
mother. There was no equal partner for her because there was no partner. Thus,
I have no idea what it is like to grow up with a righteous priesthood holder leading
as father and patriarch. So by necessity, Momma had to take on the role of
mother and father; and she could only do so much--she battled the Adversary to
the best of her ability.
For me, Father’s Day has
always been about celebrating “father figures.”
My grandfather had a
very active hand in raising me--and as a youth, I always looked up to him as my
primary father figure; much of my attitudes and opinions during my early life
were directly inspired by him. I have a special place in heart for my [step]
Dad--the man to whom I am sealed. He did not come into my life until halfway
through my youth, and his influence has been felt mostly as an adult; this is
due to reasons that I will not expound upon here. Just know that I love him and
I am thankful for him--his stature among those whom I consider father figures
is held with the highest regard.
Both of these men, too,
fought for me against the adversary with limited success.
And I understand that
nobody is TECHNICALLY truly fatherless; I can look back now and
understand that Heavenly Father has always been there for me; but in the
past... in the moment, I found it impossible to see an eternal
perspective. I have spent my adult life trying to determine how to be a Man, a
Priesthood Holder, a Husband, and most recently a Father with only
secondary--sometimes blatantly unrighteous--examples from which to draw
experience.
But in my battle for my
family against the Adversary, I have something Momma didn’t always have: an
equal partner.
I am truly grateful that
I can read the Proclamation and know that the blessings of an eternal family
are available to me and mine. Contingent on our faith and staying true to the
covenants we have made, our family can be a forever family. My boys can have an
example of righteous priesthood leadership in the home (something I lacked),
and that is a fact about which I am constantly cognizant, constantly thinking
of, constantly reminding myself.
Why? Because it is up to
me.
In this battle for my
children against the Adversary, I am fighting the good fight--I am the
protector and defender of my family.
Regardless of whether I
had a father or just father figures growing up, I AM NOW A FATHER. I have a
divine role to play. I must lead and teach and nurture and discipline and ordain
and preside and provide an example of what a Man, a Priesthood Holder, a
Husband, and a Father should be.
All of this is directly
dependent on my greatest, most important ability: my availability.
I need to ‘just be
there.’
Brothers and sisters, I
testify that fatherhood--and parenthood in general--is not only a
divinely-appointed role, but it is a divinely-supported role.
Start with faith in the
Lord, Jesus Christ. Through the Holy Ghost, He will support and guide you. None
of us can do it on our own--we are not even meant to do so. Trust not in the
arm of flesh, for the flesh is weak. Trust in the Lord, for through him all
things are possible.
Humble yourself. There
is nobody better equipped to expose your weaknesses than your children--and they
WILL expose them. But remember that Christ will turn your weaknesses into
strengths if you humble yourself before Him.
HAVE PATIENCE! Don’t
worry if you are an impatient person--your kids will test that patience like
nothing you have ever experienced. Your patience will be tried seven times
seven in the fire--and your love for them and theirs for you will be galvanized
for your efforts!
I have a firm testimony
in the power of presence. When you are TRULY present in the home, you are able
to steady the ship; you are able to provide a calming force through the power
of the priesthood; you are able to bless your family with the type of influence
that only a righteous patriarch can provide. You’re able to be a Dad.
And it all starts by
‘just being there.’
In the name of Jesus
Christ, amen.
References
1.
The Family - A
Proclamation to the World
2.
A Rational Theology -
John A. Widtsoe
3.
Doctrine and Covenants,
Section 121
