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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

MMM Search Term Roundup 14: October 2013 - December 2013

by Scott Heffernan:

See all Search Term Roundups here.

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

is it okay to cut up lds hymn book
If it touches the ground, you're actually required to do this.

mormon dating too expensive
Mormon dating is pretty much the cheapest dating you're going to get.

heavy petting
I actually prefer light.

book of mormon musical parental guide
Yeah, I think I’d have the kiddos skip that one.

nephi, have some peanuts

why mormon men are awesome
Because we blog about our feelings.

how to make mormans mad
Something tells me you’re doing just fine in life.

the mormon bubble
I googled this and was taken to a land of confusion and despair.

do mormon men respect women
We respect the hell out of them.

a woman scolding to man it is symbol of love
The best kind of love.

how did sex become evil
Because you played with yourself when you were 12 years old and brought shame upon your whole family.

mormon men discuss masturbatioin
Just had a big discussion on that in the entry above.

mormon tabernacle choir - god moves in a mysterious way
I believe Bono was the guest performer for that one.

what do mormon men look for in a woman
The Holy Ghost, which sounds really creepy.

i have a crush on my mormon professor
Here’s what I’m picturing.

my wife impose chastity belt and strict rules on me
You may want to consider a new one. (A new wife, not chastity belt. Or both, I don’t know.)

lds church how long is sacrament meeting
(Pretty sure I’ve used this joke before, but I don’t care because it’s true.)

are mormons boring in bed
Oh, I thought you asked, “Are mormons snoring in bed?” The answer is yes… to both questions.

coldplay and mormonism
Have absolutely nothing in common.

do mormons believe in santa
I really hope this was asked sincerely.

elisha cuthbert mormon
I think she played one in Girl Next Door.

is vince neil a mormon
Something like that.

cute mormon men
You've come to the right place!

sexy mormon men
Yeah, I think some of us are sexy!

naked mormon men
Oh… you've come to the wrong place.

male, mormon bloggers
You've come to the right place!

mature mormon man blog
Oh… you've come to the wrong place.

lds art of moroni on a horse

pie personality
Yep, I think I have that.

are mormon men more bald than other men
They tend to be. It has to do with Polygamy and temple stuff. Not really supposed to talk about it actually.

i am a mormon man that had sex with with a man
You both may or may not be gay.

if your bored in church what to do
Practicing the difference between “your” and “you’re” helps me pass the time.

mormon view on outercourse
As long as you’re standing up.

mormons and the letter c
Can’t stand that letter, man.

queen elizabeth and mormons

what happens if mormon is not sustained
Then his son, Moroni, takes over the position.

was pistol pete a mormon?
No, but he played one on the basketball court.

is tyrone corbin mormon
I think you have to be to coach the Jazz.

mormon guys look like dorks
What are you talking about!?

(You’re welcome for compiling this by the way.)

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Scott Heffernan is an artist, designer, and photographer living in Seattle. He works on the creative team at Archie McPhee, doing all manner of strange things. He grew up a child of the 80s in Salt Lake City and loves skateboarding, toys, and thrifting. He served a mission in England/Wales and has a degree in American Sign Language from the University of Utah. He has one wife and two kids. Twitter: @ScottHeffernan. Tumblr:

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