MMM Search Term Roundup 7: February & March 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

how important is it being the 2nd counsellor in a mormon bishopric
Slightly less important than being the 1st counsellor?

do mormons eat celery
Yeah, we just can’t smoke it.

boys to men sermons
Check out “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” or “End of the Road.”

do you have to have a license to be a morman
Only in the same sense that you need a license to ill.

keep mormonism weird
I don’t think we’re in any danger here.

why do mormons love missouri
Because we were treated really nice there in the early days.

can mormons eat red wine vinegar
We can eat it, but not drink it. There’s a difference. I made that up.

do mormon move a lot
If you asked an elders quorum president, he would likely say yes.

is crap a cuss word lds
It’s preferable to the other “c” word ... cult.

”submit a guest post” lose weight
We don’t promise that you’ll lose weight by sending us a guest post. But it’s probably worth a shot.

princess bride pregnancy test
I had to look this up and I wish it were real.

men paying for date
I’ve NEVER paid for a date. Oh wait, you probably meant like who pays for dinner.

l tom perry profession
He was in the retail business. His son, L. Tom Penny, is a professional skateboarder of course.

"home teaching" touch everyone
This was probably also meant with innocent intentions, but c’mon.

how to turn on a mormon
Yet another that could be read a few different ways. I choose the sexual way.

lds testimony cliches
There may or may not be some here.

why are mormons burried with one sock on
I helped dress a dead body on my mission. We put two socks on him. I hope he still makes it to the CK.

can mormon men be there for birth
Mormon men are actually the ones that get pregnant and birth the babies. I thought this was widely known. No?

staying awake in the temple lds
Anyone have any tips on this? I got nothing.

how long should you date before you get engaged if your lds
Six weeks max.

my husband video tapes himself cooking
There are worse things.

do lds men spank their wives
What two consenting adults do in their bedroom is your own business.

lds stop husband swearing
You could try spanking him. Turn the tables.

my wife makes me lie on my back and she pins a cloth nappy
That thing I said about it being YOUR business—I meant it.

what is the diaper that mormon men wear and why
Apparently it’s the one their wives pin to them.

mormon floating
mormon marinating
You’re not fooling anyone. It’s still sex.

modern mormon sex
I often regret us not going with this as the theme of the blog.

mormon booger
All other boogers are an abomination.