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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

MMM Search Term Roundup 3: July 2011

by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

mormon prophet yoda
Yoda was a prophet, but he was a Jedi—not a Mormon. I've heard his temple work has now been done though.

are mormon women allowed to laugh out loud
They’re not. Technically they are not even supposed to type “LOL!” Actually we shouldn’t even be talking about this.

testimony about cross-dressing
"I know with every fiber of my... clothing..."

marriage argue with "clothes off"
Going to try this.

christopher reeve in cardigan
I couldn’t find anything out there, but wanted to see it too. So I made this...

gay mormon shirts
I also made this. Mitch belongs on a shirt.

is pee wee herman a mormon
More than anything in the world, I wish he was.

kenny anderson mormon
I wish this the second most.

is james cromwell mormon
If you believe he is the reincarnated version of J. Golden Kimball, yes.

is eric d snider still mormon
I have no idea. But we'd love to have him join the MMM team.

are all mormon families blonde
Just the super righteous ones. Past church leaders once taught that we all could become more blonde by righteously living the gospel. We try to distance ourselves from those teachings though.

naked mormon men
We get these all the time. I think we might have to make a calendar.

what to do when you have a crush on a mormon guy
how to attract a mormon man
i just want a great mormon man!

We get lots of these too. Maybe with the calendar we could include an instructional booklet.

the problem with mormon men is
Maybe some of our readers can finish this sentence...

comfortable with my manhood
It’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it. Good for you!

what do modern morman girls wear for bathing suits

mormon caviar
This is when traditional caviar is set in Jell-O and topped with shredded carrots.

must mormon men marry women they have wronged
I don't think so. However, I was casually dating a girl and one day stole something from her. The next day we got engaged. Now we've been happily married for five years. Just a coincidence though.

can mormons have goatees
No, because we believe Satan dons a goatee.

are there any active mormons that get tattoos
can i visit the queen of england becuse im mormon and from utah
post-modern zen mormon

I know a few of each of these.

lds computers will take over
Only if Mitt Romney gets elected. Actually according to the Mayan calendar, it's Catholic computers that will run the post-apocalyptic future.

how to make a mormon mad
Ask him how many wives he has while calling him a non-christian and mocking his "magic underwear."

what not to do when you have a morman as a guest
Ask him how many wives he has while calling him a non-christian and mocking his "magic underwear."

what does success look like

do you want to go out with me? your mission is to post papers all over town with your response. yes, or no? good luck young grasshopper.
Still trying to figure out why I like this one so much.

god told me to go back to utah and i don't want to
I think this is my favorite search I've ever seen.

have you ever let your pet lick your crotch
Just sniff.

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