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Thursday, May 26, 2016

MMM Search Term Roundup 16: January 2014 - March 2014

by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

do i have to wear a shirt and tie to mormon church
I would at least wear a shirt.

mormon soaking floating marinating
Whatever you call it, you’re not fooling anyone.

are mormon men good in bed

are murmons good in bed

why dont mormons have nipples
You’re thinking of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

why dont mormons like dogs
You’re thinking of the Amish.

do mormons watch tv?
Only while we’re churning butter.

pros and cons for marrying mormon
Pros: Funeral potatoes, close-knit community, sealed for eternity.
Cons: No coffee, three hour church, sealed for eternity.

mormon explanation for cavemen

mormon men who masturbate
…live longer?

mr. clean mormon

do mormons celebrate fathers day
Heavenly Father’s Day

mormons walk backwards
Only in the temple. (And you’re not supposed to know about that.)

do mormons manscape
You should see my unicorn design.X

boredom is sin
I'm just not sure about that right now.

do mormons spank their wives
What happens in the bedroom is none of your business!

lds can you wear a colored shirt while preparing the sacrament
That’s Telestial Kingdom stuff, man.

mormonism is a fraud
You're a fraud.

t shirt under tank mormon
Our signature look.

mormons one black sock one white sock
It’s code to let others know you’re fasting so they won’t offer you food.

advice to mormon men about picking a wife…ankles
If ankles are important to you, then date women who have ankles.

mind wandering during prayer lds
You’re are not alone, my friend.

what pictures should lds home have
Here are the necessities.

was bob ross lds
No, but I’ll bet you a million dollars someone has been baptized for him.

adam and eve umbilical cord
You might be asking the wrong questions.

why is home teaching in the lds church so hard
Because generally speaking the home teachers don’t want to be there, and the home teachees don’t want you to be there. So no one wants to be there, but you are all doing it out of obligation. And then for some reason I can’t fathom, you stay for a really long time.

mormon inlaws are evil
Well you’re kind of sealed to them for eternity so…

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Scott Heffernan is a graphic designer and photographer in Seattle. He works on the creative team at Archie McPhee doing all manner of strange things. He grew up a child of the ‘80s in Salt Lake City, served a mission to England/Wales, and got a degree in American Sign Language from the University of Utah. After marrying his sweetheart, they moved to Seattle and had three beautiful baby boys together. He loves toys, skateboarding, and thrift store shopping and has impeccable Modar. Twitter: @ScottHeffernan. Tumblr:

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