MMM Search Term Roundup 7: December 2011 & January 2012

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

i hate my church calling mormon
You must be in scouts or the nursery... Wait a second... You're the bishop!

christmas dos and don'ts for lds
Do deck the halls, don’t neck in the halls.
Do spread holiday cheer, don’t drink holiday beer.
Do stand under the mistletoe, don't stand under the mistletoe until you're sixteen.

can mormon men and woman eat toghether
It’s discouraged, but not forbidden. My wife and I ate together a few months ago. It was spectacular. TMI?

lds friendships with gay people not allowed
It's okay as long as they don’t eat together.

what happens at modern mormon weddings
...stays at modern Mormon weddings.

are mormon men good
Could you be more specific?

are morman men good in bed
Ahh! I see. Yes.

ezra taft benson and hugh b brown didnt get along
Let’s just say they differed politically... Or agreed to disagree... Oh fine, they didn't get along.

mormon hip hop music
Two words.

masters of the universe mormon
If Mormons get their own planets, this is the logical conclusion.

should i homeschool my awkward child
There are no words to describe my love for this search term. There are no words.

are lots of mormons chiropractors
I have absolutely no data to back it up, but yes.

mormon fascination with mustaches
1) It's the only facial hair allowed at BYU, in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and if you work at a church owned restaurant (I grew a mustache while I worked at one.) Naturally, given the restriction, mustache clubs will be formed.
2) It's not just Mormons. Mustaches are hip and trendy. Lots of mustache products out there.
3) The ladies love 'em.

why do all morman men look alike
Shared polygamous ancestors and generations of clean living.

would you date a mormon
Only if his name is Jef—with one F.

most handsome mormon
Easy.

can a mormon man have affair
Can he? Yes. Should he? No.

taking photos at a baby blessing
Can you? Yes. Should you? No. (83% less serious than an affair though.)

why r there no inactive patriarchs
I knew one on my mission.

lds talk on poop brownies
A new object lesson on chastity?

lds against led zeppelin
Yeah, let's all gang up on Led Zeppelin. They're stealing away our youth with "Stairway to Heaven."

scottie pippen mormon
You're thinking of Karl Malone.

the story of george albert smith's advice to a gay couple (in the 1950s, i believe)
I wonder if that story is true.

cjane mormon royalty
If there is such a thing, then yes. An honor that can only be bestowed by Marie Osmond.

the marmoon man blog
Best spelling yet.