Monday, February 24, 2014

MMM Search Term Roundup 12: December 2012 - March 2013



by Scott Heffernan:

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited.

See all Search Term Roundups here.

what is the cheesiest mormon hymn
Have I Done Any Gouda?
Brie Still, My Soul
Edam-ondi-Ahman

how to complement a mormon
Tell them they have a nice smile... Then say, "Celestial smile! Zing!" And laugh and laugh.

lds what happens with you are a member and you get a std
Itchiness and burning. Just like everyone else.

are mormons allowed to watch tv
Yep! But if it's TV-14 or above, we have to watch it in black and white. (Such a weird rule.)

80's mormon art























how long is sacrament meeting
Too.

do mormons wear white undershirts
They're more of a yellowish gray.

why are some mormon men always dressed up
They are masochists.

is dustin hoffman mormon
No, but he played one in Rain Man.

bromance mormon


















what should i say in my lds baby blessing verbatim
I think you might be missing the point.

how mormon are the arcade fire
Just the right amount.

was bob ross mormon
He wasn't, but he is now. I did his temple work last week.

best looking mormon men
You need look no further than here.

gordon hinckley calls mission pres with ice cream cone
This is what I’m picturing right now.















elder uchtdorf exceedingly awesome
He truly is.

great lds teacher university of utah institute
John A. Peterson. I will plug him every chance I get.

famous lds vasectomys
They are going to televise Ricky Shroder’s.

lds heavy petting punishment
Grounded for two weeks.

mormons are sad people
Maybe you’re right.


















best gift to give to a mormon man
Your virginity.

mormon men nipples
We don’t have ‘em. Well—that’s not entirely accurate—we don’t have them on our chests. They grow on our heads, and that’s how the ‘Mormons have horns’ rumor got started.

lds and goatees
...just don’t mix.

hairy mormon men in mormon garments
Why would anyone want to see this?

mormon men in bed
It looks something like this...















lds list of things to do after mission
1. Find wife.
2. Mark list as complete.

garmints baby sex
Probably the two unsexiest things in the world.

can men use curel lotion
Depends what it’s used for.

floating mormon


















the booger mormon
This could be referring to either of my kids.

odontophobia
I think I have this.

should i wear an ascot
Absolutely. Especially on wear pants to church day.

erectile dysfunction "guest post"
Still haven’t seen this one submitted yet. Who’s going to send it in?

jackass not swearing


















what lds men are looking for in terms of romance
Try reciting all thirteen articles of faith from memory. Hot!

lds husband spanks wife
does husband spank wife in mormon family
do mormon men spank their wives
Only in Kansas.

do mormons parents spank videos
Do they spank videos?

do mormons believe in santa claus
Like adults or children?

why do i have to keep resetting my furby for it to work a few seconds
I don’t know, but you’ve come to the right place to explore this topic.

Sometimes they are better left without comment:
your scent reminds my of a men's urinal
sea snakes that attack dirty japanese hookers
i have tried everything to treat step kids as my own, but blood is thicker than water and they are manipulative

 photo Line-625_zpse3e49f32.gif
Scott Heffernan is an artist, designer, and photographer living in Seattle. He works on the creative team at Archie McPhee, doing all manner of strange things. He grew up a child of the 80s in Salt Lake City and loves skateboarding, toys, and thrifting. He served a mission in England/Wales and has a degree in American Sign Language from the University of Utah. He has one wife and two kids. Twitter: @ScottHeffernan. Tumblr: ScottHeff.tumblr.com.
 photo Line-625_zpse3e49f32.gif

Other MMM Posts

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...