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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

MMM Search Term Roundup 6: October & November 2011

by Scott Heffernan (bio)

When someone finds Modern Mormon Men via search engine, we get to see what they typed to get here, giving us a small glimpse into the thought processes of those who happen upon our site. I think our readers need to see these, so I'll be sharing them monthly. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing. Maybe we can work together to give some context or help answer some of those curious questions. WARNING: Although some of the more explicit entries have been excluded, saucier phrases that are included have not been edited. See them all here.

how to punish your wife mormon
I would venture to guess that she’s already been punished enough.

i hate scouts lds
The program or the actual kids? Either way, me too.

i am mormon and don't think being gay is wrong
i am mormon and think i am gay
i am mormon and i am gay

I like to pretend this was all the same person. There is a progression there.

dunking mormon
This could either refer to baptism by immersion or Thurl Bailey.

word of wisdom of facial hair
The word of wisdom allows for facial hair “only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.”

is rick stevenson a mormon No. But he's down with the Mormons.
is kevin costner mormon No. But he played one in Field of Dreams.
is jon bon jovi a mormon Yes. Because Mormons are the only people who "live on prayers."
grinch lds Yes. He converted after his conversion to celebrating Christmas.
is bon iver mormon No.
paul simon mormon No.
is arcade fire mormon Kind of.
is daniel tosh mormon? Uh, no. He doesn't seem to like us very much.

american gothic henry b eyring
It still makes me smile whenever I look at it.

wife loves me bald
She's definitely a keeper.

all bald men look alike
That’s racist. (But they really do.)

what is mormon face?
I think that's also somehow racist.

is it okay for mormon men to cheat
Only at board games.

how to convince my husband to have a baby lds
Just show him an outdated quote from a church leader.

"Those who attempt to pervert the ways of the Lord, and to prevent their offspring from coming into the world in obedience to this great command, are guilty of one of the most heinous crimes in the category. There is no promise of eternal salvation and exaltation for such as they..."
-Joseph Fielding Smith

But be careful.

"My wife has borne to me fifteen children. Anything short of this would have been less than her duty and privilege."
-George F. Richards

i'm mormon but i disagree with garments
Did you tell them? Who won the argument?

i don't agree with urinals
If you really want to emphasize your disdain, you should degrade them by peeing on them.

who are the five men of integrity
The five most active contributors to this blog.

what makes grey beautiful
You could be referring to this or this. I’d say his eyes and his lips.

in love with my morman dentist
Of course you are. It just feels right.

how to turn morman
Read the Book of Morman, correct the spelling, then call the missionaries in your area.

what was ron poehlman's original conference address
That’s a pretty fascinating story. Here you go.

i want mormon man to dominate me
I'm sorry this one is inappropriate, but I think it's too funny not to share.

mormons are good people but
...can’t be that good.
...they’re also weirdos.
...use too many acronyms.
...are horrible tippers.
...they are all dentists.

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