by Scott Heffernan:
See all Search Term Roundups here.
how are mormon children punished
We make them go to church for three hours.
things to bless a baby with
Super speed and x-ray vision.
can mormons wear tank tops
Of course! What a silly question.
can mormon guys wear tank tops
will a "mormon man" hug a female friend
You mean go to second base? Only if they plan on going to the bishop after.
is arcade fire a mormon band
Their rendition of "If You Could Hie to Kolob" is the coolest thing I've ever heard.
help i love flirting with mormons
You’ll be baptized within a year.
how to attract mormon guys
Show some shoulder—but not too much shoulder.
do all mormon men have to do home teaching?
Only the ones who want to go to the CK.
how to get out of home teaching mormon
Just ask. It works.
how often to conduct "home teacher" interviews
how to make home teaching interesting
Try giving them “interviews.”
what's the relationship of coldplay & piano guy
They're just friends … with benefits.
is mormonism a scam
You’re thinking of Nu Skin.
why don't mormons have dogs
We covenant not to in our temples.
robert d. hales there are some movies that you’ll never be old enough to see.
Like From Justin to Kelly and Superman IV.
brigham young advice to wife
Not sure I would take marriage advice from Brigham Young.
…is the best kind of petting.
mormon float sex
…is the best kind of float sex (I’ve heard).
satan hates mormons
Yeah, but doesn’t he hate everybody?
what does the second counselor in the bishopric do
He’s the muscle.
One time I got a flat tire in the middle of the desert. I didn’t have a spare and was beginning to worry. I said a quick prayer and suddenly a man driving a truck pulled up behind me. The man got out of his truck, said nothing, and gave me a big hug. I turned to ask if he had a spare tire, but he was gone. I had to hitchhike to the next town to get help.
how to spot mormons at work
Come to work with a large coffee. Each person you come across say, “Man, I love coffee. Can’t start the day without a big cup of coffee? Don’t you love coffee? Do you want a sip of my coffee?” Anyone who doesn’t take you up on your offer is probably Mormon.
president hinckley warns about energy drinks
He mostly just warned about their horrible taste.
elder scott eye contact
what is the deal with polygamy
And airline food! Right!?
things to do when bored in church
What a coincidence! I have a post that addresses this exact issue.
how can you spot a mormon
Well I have another post on that subject! Hmm…
cemetery miniature models
Okay. This is too weird.
what to do when you have a crush on your mormon home teacher
Just say, “Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.” Then cackle and show some shoulder.
Scott Heffernan is an artist, designer, and photographer living in Seattle. He works on the creative team at Archie McPhee, doing all manner of strange things. He grew up a child of the 80s in Salt Lake City and loves skateboarding, toys, and thrifting. He served a mission in England/Wales and has a degree in American Sign Language from the University of Utah. He has one wife and two kids. Twitter: @ScottHeffernan. Tumblr: ScottHeff.tumblr.com.