8 Things Every Mormon Man Should Say Before He Dies

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by Seattle Jon (bio)

Forbes contributor, Jessica Hagy, recently put out a list of 40 things to say before you die. Thinking about what she wrote inspired me to come up with my own version. So, here are 8 things I think every mormon man should say before he dies. What would you add or subtract, and why?

1 I did commit that foul. Church hoops is just around the corner, at least in Seattle. This season, rather than whine, put your hand up when called for a foul.

2 I don’t know, but I choose to hope and have faith. Let's be honest, some of the things we believe are unknowable, and one might say, highly improbable. It's okay to admit that and be more realistic in how we talk about our faith.

3 Joseph Smith may have had 34 wives, but I'd like just one wife forever. Why any mormon man would say anything different is beyond me.

4 One, two tops, trips to the buffet table is enough. Face it, men, we could all be in better shape. Why is saying no to bacon-wrapped shrimp so hard?!

5 No. There are times when saying no at church is the right thing to do. Like saying no to wearing a tie during the three-hour block.

6 I am well read in mormon literature. MMM pounds its readers to read more mormon literature. Put down the USA Today and read more mormon lit.

7 I am going to watch more football not because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s the righteous thing to do. There is scriptural basis for this statement.

8 I am going to do difficult, but meaningful, things. Our family has chosen homeschooling and adoption. What are you going to tackle?

Christmas Traditions

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by Casey Peterson (bio)

Christmas is a time filled with many festivities and traditions. Some are humbling, sweet, and inspiring. Examples include caroling to the elderly, family nativity scenes, reading from Luke 2, and seeing Christmas lights. These traditions are filled with an innocence and happiness difficult to describe, yet captured in many elements of revered Christmas music. It is a tangible spiritual and physical feeling of the love Christ has for us, evidenced by the gift of His life and His gospel that He gives to us.

Others traditions profoundly confuse me as to why they started, and how they perpetuate. Examples of these include Christmas trees, Christmas newsletters, Santa Claus, awkward gift exchanges, and fruitcake. The tradition of Christmas trees traces back into Old Testament days. In Jeremiah 10:3-4 it reads "3. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. 4. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not." I wish I had more detail, who decided to chop a tree, bring it in the house, and put sparkly things on it? Makes no sense to me, and though trees are undoubtedly pretty now, I still don't get the reason behind the tradition.

Along with Christmas decorations and the tree (to which my wife is AMAZING at decorating), she also devotes a huge area in our kitchen to hanging all the Christmas newsletters. The best ones are from those we choose to stay in contact with for the other 11 months of the year. We know their trips, what sports they play, and who's growing the most (but what does that have to do with Christmas anyway?). The humorous ones are the distant relatives and past acquaintances using this as an opportunity to perhaps preserve a fading relationship, or possibly other pure motives drive this. Facebook has turned these odd phenomena of odd pictures, family and personal insights, and occasional bragging into a yearly occurrence though. Perhaps I shouldn't make fun of newsletters, Facebook may be pushing them way of the Twinkie and the typewriter. The only way newsletters could get more awkward is by the odd comments a lot of the outlier people continually make on every post. Gratefully, traditional newsletters didn't allow for that. But back to the question, why the tradition? Perhaps it was spawned by from the Luke 2:3 reference of each person being taxed in his own city, an accounting if you will from each of us where we live, where we're from, and an accountability of our possessions and activities. Thanks Mr. Augustus and your Roman friends for your tradition of quirky dialogue and updates reported annually.

The third confusing tradition for me is Santa Claus. I know of few other ways to upset people as much as offending Santa, settle down, I'm not attacking him. I've seen the same shows as everyone else, and appreciated what Santa traditions add to the merriment. However, I also have curiously perused the annual pictures of screaming and terrified children sitting upon the lap of a portly elderly man tasked with the paramount duty of wrestling multiple children while trying to look merry and jolly. I watch grown adults blatantly lie to children about Santa's existence, well knowing that if it was the kids were lying to the parents, severe punishment would result. Integrity is fudged, more money is spent to provide "Santa's gifts" along with family gifts, and children psychologically navigate being told suddenly to sit on the lap of a bearded stranger dressed in red fuzzy clothing and tell him their deepest wishes. Certainly, the founders of this tradition outdid themselves.

I realize Christmas revelers are a devout and dedicated group, and in the blink of an eye they can change from their sparkly sweaters into the defenders of the Yuletide. I mean no offense to them, and cringe thinking of the personal attacks on my humanness and Christmas spirit that may result from my musings. I like Christmas, I really do. However, the traditions thoroughly confuse me, and probably will continue to. Yet, from my confusion, I extend a Merry Christmas to all readers, especially a sincere hope for the spirit of the reality of true Christmas, with Christ at the center.

Guest Post: Mormons and the Messiah

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Peter Shirts has directed ward and stake choirs and has mastered the art of suggestion when he's not directing the church choir he's currently in. While at BYU, he co-founded an ensemble that played Klezmer (Eastern European Jewish music) and enjoyed teaching Mormons how to dance at Jewish weddings. After receiving 2.5 degrees in music, he's currently pursing a librarian science degree so he has more employable skills. He lives in North Carolina with his wife, where he blogs about musical things.

By the Messiah, of course I mean George Frideric Handel's Messiah, the oratorio written in 1741 to scripture compiled by Charles Jenkins.* An oratorio, by the way, is an opera with no costumes, sets, or staging, making them much easier (and cheaper) to perform. Opera was the rock music of the era, and the 18th-century English rather liked the oratorio form because it kept ticket prices down and included a choir.

For the past couple of years, I've had the chance of performing Handel's Messiah in a choir with professional symphonies during the Christmas season, and I don't even feel bad missing church to do it (okay, maybe a little bit bad).** Every year when I start Messiah rehearsals, it's like meeting an old friend. "Hello, will you please become stuck in my head again? I've missed you." After performing the Messiah so many times, I can't read these passages of scripture without hearing Handel's music in my head:

• For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder ... (Isaiah 9:6)
• He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief … (Isaiah 53:3; Mosiah 14:3)
• All we like sheep have gone astray … (Isaiah 53:6; Mosiah 14:6)

I'm not the lone Mormon who loves the Messiah. I feel like every town in Utah has a yearly Messiah sing-in (from a quick Google search, I'm counting five across the Wasatch front for 2012, and one at an LDS chapel in Tucson, though I'm sure there's more). I helped organize one at BYU many years ago, and even with limited publicity, more people showed up than we could fit in the Madsen Recital Hall. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir has recorded it five times, not including individual choruses on various compilations. The easier movements are often sung at Christmas sacrament meetings or firesides across the county, perhaps the world. Then there's Joyful Noise (1999) by Mormon playwright Tim Slover, which is about the writing and reception of the Messiah. It's still popular enough that it plays somewhere every holiday season, with three locations in North America this year.

What Will You Do TODAY?

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by Seattle Jon (bio)

Every once in awhile, I'll read or listen (or both in this case) to something that prompts me to immediate action. Yesterday morning, as I finished A Thoughtful Faith podcast's two-part interview of Neylan McBaine, founder and editor of The Mormon Women Project, and then read her recent FAIR presentation entitled To Do the Business of the Church: A Cooperative Paradigm for Examining Gendered Participation Within Church Organizational Structure, I thought, "This paper will forever change the way I think about women's issues in the church. What can I do about it TODAY." So I wrote and sent the following email to my stake president and bishop.

Modern modern men, what will you do TODAY?

President X & Bishop Y:

As a husband to Cher and father to Ella, both of whom are aware and sensitive to women’s issues in the church, I urge both of you to read this wonderful paper written by Neylan McBaine and presented at the 2012 FAIR Conference. You can also listen to a recent interview of Neylan in this two-part podcast. I would then ask you the same question Neylan asked the FAIR audience: “What are you doing to excavate the power of the women in your ward [and Stake] and make their contributions more visible?”

I look forward to your thoughts, especially as they relate to action items you are pursuing, plan to pursue or encourage those under your responsibility to pursue.

Respectfully,

Jon

Que Injusticia!

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by Ben Johnson (bio)

No one likes to be dealt with unjustly. Most of us can accept losing if we feel like we tried our best and just came up short. It's not pleasant but at least you had a fair shot, a chance at winning. It's something else entirely when the deck is stacked and you don't have a chance. What do you do then?

Several weeks ago I took my motorcycle to the local shop to have some work done. When I picked it up I noticed a crack in the fairing that hadn't been there when I dropped the bike off. I questioned the service manager and his response was, "That was there when you brought the bike in."

Immediately I felt the anger well up in my heart. I was about to be taken advantage of and there was nothing I could do about it. My mind raced in a thousand directions: How do I respond to this? Do I know any lawyers? Could I prove the crack wasn't there when I brought the bike in? Do I drive by the shop at night and throw a brick through their window?

I also felt conflicted and embarrassed. The natural man in me said I should be furious and I should seek revenge and 'no one takes advantage of me!' The spiritual man in me answered that prayers are offered for manipulators, cheeks should be turned, and coats and cloaks are a package deal. 

Every man chooses for himself what path to take but as Christian men it seems to us more like a tightrope. Too far to the natural side and your soul cankers and wears out from always taking offense. Too far to the other side and you become a doormat and a joke. I'm not sure where the balance is. Even looking at the Savior's life we see the contradiction. The same Man who flips over tables and whips scoundrels from the temple also stands silent while being mocked and beaten.

In the end, after a few days of back and forth with the service manager, I took my bike and went home. I feel cheated. There will be no satisfactory resolution forthcoming. The fairing is still cracked and won't be fixed. How can I forgive and move on now that every time I ride my motorcycle I will see a big, fat injustice staring back at me?

Various Bogs and Spiritual Mire. Also, God Wants You to Coupon.

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by Bishop Higgins (bio)

So often in our lives we get bogged down with sin and bogs and responsibility and mindless errands and errands of great import and errands to Pier 1 Imports and so many things with varying degree of importance.

And it's good to remember, that through all of this, God wants us to be happy and he wants us to stop wearing those fancy track suits to the mall, and he always wants us to pray to him and he wants us to get a good value on so many of the things we buy. Beans. Corn. Whey. If we can get these at a discount, God will be happy. And he wants to know why we even need whey. So do I. I have no idea what that is for.

Couponing is good, but not necessary to be able to enter the celestial kingdom. Comfortable shoes are important, too, but again, not necessary to enter the kingdom. In fact, so many people in the world don't even have shoes. And do you know some people are pack rats. I know a guy that never took down his Christmas lights because he had no place to put them once they were down. I was personally disgusted. This was before I was bishop, back when I was way more judgmental about others than I am now.

I also knew a guy that saved his pizza crust in jars and would eat them later as snacks. I did not judge him because I met him when I was bishop. Now, I'm so good at NOT judging people. I'm also good at Foosball. And I can also nod and act like I'm listening when instead, I'm singing Bruce Hornsby songs in my head.

See what I mean get about getting bogged down.

Guest Post: The Recovering Addict’s Playlist

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Name Withheld is a prolific contributor of sad, embarrassing, and painful articles to other sources like STD Digest, Modern Train Aficionado, and Ensign. He also reports on Middle Eastern drone attacks under the name "sources who could not be identified because of the sensitivity of information," and he has written thousands of lousy poems and given hundreds of so-so paintings to museums under the names “Anonymous” and “Anonymous Donor.” As this story would hurt his wife deeply, he chooses to remain anonymous. Read his first guest post here.

So 2011 was about the worst year of my life. And it was sort of the best. I got some therapeutic help for my addiction and started participating in the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program. Though it was extraordinarily painful, I was very blessed during that process.

During that time, I created a short list of songs that I found very, very helpful. First and foremost, they are great songs, but they may also be useful to others. (Please note that these are not helpful if you are addicted to great music, in which case I suggest listening to those Barney songs; they will make you want to gouge out your ears, but you will be cured of your addiction.) So here are the songs:

Some Unholy War by Amy Winehouse: This bluesy, soulful song narrates the singer's devotion to her man, "B," in his struggle in an unholy war. The singer affirms that "He still stands in spite of what his scars say," and I found that encouragement to be very lifting. In my case I did have the tremendous support of my father, trusted friends, and the wonderfully generous people in the program, but as I listened to the song, I often felt support from the other side of the veil in the midst of my psychomachia (look that word up - it's a good one!).

Gravity by A Perfect Circle: Where Amy's song is bluesy, this has a seething metal intensity, but also feels like the musical articulation of the soul's agony. Gravity in this song is the submission to unpredictable forces, specifically God's grace. The narrator pleads for help, begging "Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun."

Trouble Me by 10,000 Maniacs: This song is like a reply to the previous. The narrator wants the listener to "trouble" her or him, as that narrator has a back that is "sturdy and strong." So much of the song can be understood as Jesus' plea to enter His light yoke and find rest from heavy burdens.

All Is Full Of Love by Bjork: The previous song feels like a very personal appeal to turn to Christ and others. This song sounds like the last words that God told us before we came to earth, including "you'll be given love," "you’ll be taken care of," and "you have to trust [that love]." Once the chorus begins, especially in the live version from Vespertine Live, the line "all is full of love" has an almost cosmic, mystical resonance. To me, it is everything Gregorian chant wants to be, and the soul that begins to feel peace and God's influence begins to see how, indeed, all is full of love.

Beat A Drum by R.E.M.: The delightful feel of this song and how it evokes a playful, kind nature provides an Edenic continuation of the previous song. Short lyrics are so packed with meaning in this song. The narrator sings about how "My fall knocked a mean chip out of me," and I will say that there is nothing like an addiction to have the "mean chip" of one's self-righteousness knocked out. There is also this absolutely amazing description of our second estate: "Half way from coal / Half way to diamond." The painful pressure of addiction recovery often seems overwhelming. Listening to this song helped me refocus on how that pressure could transform me from weak, flimsy, chalky, and dark coal into hard, clear, powerful, and luminescent diamond. Hopefully Christ could make me one of his jewels (Malachi 3:17). During the entire addiction recovery, of course I wanted it all to be over, but this song matched those times when I could trust God and His timetable, feeling that this moment, this place, "This is all I want, / It's all I need."

Much, much more could be said about these songs, songs that lifted and encouraged me during a difficult time of abundant though unrequested blessings. Do you have any songs to add? Post a comment.