Our First Ward Sponsor

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by Bishop Higgins (bio)

So many athletic teams and reputable organizations get sponsors to carry on the business portion of their business, so I thought we'd give it a shot, too. Here's our very first ward sponsor, Larry Schumpler, from A Little Bit Cleaner Carpet Cleaning. Take it away, Larry. (Get it. Take it away. He cleans carpet. Get it?)

Do Not Do This To Your Lawn

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by Topher Clark (bio)


If you go to Lowe's to pick up some weed killer, can I recommend that you DO NOT DO SO WHILE IMPAIRED OR DISTRACTED? I made this fatal mistake two months ago and I'm still paying for it. Doubtless you've driven by my house and seen these horrifying spots on my front lawn. Your diagnosis, Rhizoctonia Yellow Patch, is sensible and would be the same diagnosis I would make. Except I know the truth. Four weeks ago I tried to kill a bunch of dandelions with weed spray - the kind that kills grass as well!!!!

It was all a horrible mistake. I was in Lowe's expressly for the purpose of buying weed killer. It would have taken me five seconds to check the label. There are weed sprayers out there that are perfectly harmless to grass. Right now I should be enjoying a lush carpet of green like all my neighbors (well, most of my neighbors hint hint.) But instead I look out the window and I only see lesions and blight. Why would my kids play out there? It's like dancing on a field of acne. Sounds gross? You should see it! You probably have!

What was I so busy thinking about that day at Lowe's? I have no idea. Probably the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I think about that a lot. Other things I think about are:

1. What would I do if a terrorist came into this store right now? (fight or flight)
2. Why do people think all bald men look the same? Like we have the same face?
3. Popcorn
4. Why does the willow tree in my backyard keep falling over? Why can't I prop it up?
5. How am I going to tell Owen about sex in the coolest, least uncomfortable way possible?

And that's only five things. I think about a ton of things. And in the process, I distractedly buy poison, take it home and intermittently kill my lawn with it. DO NOT DO THIS. Next time you are in Lowe's, make sure you've had a good night sleep. Don't be talking on your cell phone (OR TEXTING). Don't take any kids. Shower and dress comfortably, but keep it classy. And just read the labels, you guys. Read the freaking labels.

Photograph or Painting?

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by Clark (bio)

This photograph looks like it could be a painting. The contrast with a bright orange sand dune as the backdrop to the dark snarled Camel Thorn trees is more than eye-catching. I came across this on Huffington Post and had to put it up. Frans Lanting took this while visiting Namib-Naukluft Park in Africa for National Geographic.

Guest Post: 3,000 Thoughts a Day and Counting

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Dustin Peterson lives in Houston, Texas, with his supermodel wife and three extroverted kids. His days are consumed at Rice University molding the malleable minds of college students and preaching the doctrine of leadership development. His work focuses on becoming more authentic and self-aware, leading more effectively, and helping people figure out what to do with their lives and careers. Dustin enjoys changing diapers, eating bacon, and tending to his fourth child, www.thenewtonapple.com, where he searches, ponders and writes about self-development and the art of leadership. You can contact him directly at thenewtonapple at gmail.com.

I was watching the NBA Playoffs several weeks ago when a car commercial caught my attention. It opened by saying that humans have more than 3,000 thoughts a day. I imagine it went on to talk about their car and its features, but I wouldn't know because this statement jarred my thoughts away from the commercial (read: marketing failure) as one thought in particular popped out of nowhere. How do I weed through the endless flood of meaningless thoughts I have each day to hone in on the truly important ones? What can I do to identify the life-altering thoughts that are placed in my mind by God and that are generally sandwiched somewhere between "what should I have for an after-dinner snack" and "my foot itches"?

The first thing we need to know is that the most profound thoughts -- the ones that will be truly meaningful to our life in the moment -- will come from the Holy Ghost. These thoughts include those little strokes of genius that come to our minds seemingly out of nowhere that, when followed, lead to joy. These might relate to career path, Church calling, solutions to problems in work, church, or family, or simple things that keep us from danger or that inspire us.

Once we recognize that the meaningful thoughts will come from the Spirit, we need to figure out how to isolate them and focus on them long enough to make a real difference. I followed up on this thought (this is key to making a real difference) and came across a great read by Gerald Lund from the July 2004 New Era entitled "Is it Revelation?" He said the key to identifying the thoughts that come from the Spirit (in other words, the meaningful thoughts) is to quiet the "inner noise." Inner noise may be obvious such as sin, anger, tiredness, hunger, or apathy. It may also be more conspicuous, such as wanting something so badly that our judgment is clouded by emotion (i.e. that car would make for a much better commute...what's the point of a savings account anyway!?). Take a moment to identify your inner noise. What is distracting you right now?

So here are five ways to quiet the noise:

1. Take a moment of silence: I typically use my commute to alternate between listening to Clive Cussler and letting radio DJs determine my fate. But yesterday I felt inspired to do nothing. I decided to sit in the car in silence and reflect. Through this process, I discovered two things: 1) the things I needed to focus on rose to the top and 2) doing this for more than ten minutes not only hurts your brain but gets a bit awkward. I have a short attention span.

Who Is TED? Who Is Khan?

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by Seattle Jon (bio)

TED (Technology Entertainment and Design) is a global set of conferences formed to disseminate "ideas worth spreading." The conference talks, which by design come in at around 18 minutes, can be viewed for free online through TED.com.

Charlie integrates TED talks into her homeschooling routine (Part 2 of our Adventures in Homeschooling coming soon) with the kids. They love them, even the ones over their heads. I wandered downstairs on a recent sick day and found the three of them curled up on the couch watching Salman Khan talk about his Khan Academy.

I'd run across Khan Academy a few years before. I think in an issue of Fast Company magazine. I remember being impressed with the videos, but had no idea his non-profit had come this far. I dare you to watch this video and not come away wondering why this guy isn't more involved in our nation's education system.



TED.com: here
Wikipedia (TED): here
Confessions of a TED Addict (New York Times): here

Khan Academy: here
Wikipedia (Khan Academy): here
College 2.0 (The Chronicle): here

When You Get Your Eagle, Son, You Can Drive

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by Pete Codella (bio)

This may be a completely foreign concept to some, but when I was a teenager it was fairly popular for LDS parents to tell their sons that they had to earn the rank of Eagle Scout before they could get their driver’s license. Obtaining a driver’s permit was fine, but for solo driving once you reached the legal age, you were obliged to also secure the rank of Eagle Scout.

I was very active in Scouts when we lived in Spring, Texas. I loved the activities, earning merit badges, campouts, cooking in the great outdoors - all of it. But when I was 13 we moved to upstate New York where the Scouting program was, well . . . different than it was in the great state of Texas. So I pretty much slacked-off and didn’t do a whole lot to advance my Scouting rank.

Then, as I began talking about getting my driver’s permit after I turned 16, I was informed that I would need to finish up my Scouting work and get my Eagle before I could get my driver’s license. That seemed like just a convenient excuse to me, but I decided to finish up a handful of remaining merit badges and take care of my Eagle Scout project so I could receive my Eagle. After all, it wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy Scouting. (You can check out my Eagle Scout program here.)

The only bummer was that I was giving in and jumping through hoops, so-to-speak, to make my parents happy in order to secure the privilege of obtaining a driver’s license. Yes, I have an independent streak that still works for or against me, depending on the circumstances.

At least my folks helped me with merit badges and with my project. And when I finally obtained the rank of Eagle just before turning 18, I was grateful for the experience. I remember a real sense of accomplishment and honor. I have no hard feelings for the fact that my parents used my driver’s license as leverage to motivate me to finish up my Scouting achievements. I’m glad I’m an Eagle Scout.

Mormon Radar - How to Spot a Mormon

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

Gaydar is the ability of homosexuals to intuitively recognize one another. Mormons seem to have a similar instinct (of detecting other Mormons, not homosexuals. Although gay Mormons may have both powers. They are like superheroes.) Mormon Radar, Mormon-Dar, and Mo-Dar are differing terms that describe this skill. I can’t decide which one I like best.

My Mormon-Dar seems to be pretty dang spot on. Ask my wife. I’m not quite sure when I realized I had it, but grace to grace, it has developed into a well-oiled machine of discerning efficiency. Unlike Gaydar, Mo-Dar cannot be purchased with money. But don’t worry, here are some tips on developing your own clairvoyance.

Ways to develop your Mormon Radar:

Pray and read the scriptures.

Know what to look for. Be perceptive of the tell-tale signs that make us visibly unique.

• Clothing - Mormons love to layer clothing. A t-shirt under a tank top or dress is common. Shorts that are just a little too long and slightly dorky are a dead giveaway. Also nothing screams priesthood quite like socks and sandals.
• Garments - Look for a white t-shirt under a t-shirt. Who needs to wear two t-shirts? The “celestial smile” can be seen from a mile away. The half-inch line above the knee is harder to spot, but can be seen by a trained eye. (Although beware! I’ve heard of men putting electricians tape there to bait and switch the young women.)
• Vocabulary - We use odd phrases in everyday language such as “fiber of my being,” “nourish and strengthen”, “tender mercies,” etc. We’ll drop “the Adversary” like he’s a guy that lives down the street. Don’t forget substitute swear words (SSWs) like fetch, fudge, flip, shoot, crap, gosh, geez, dang, darn, and heck, to name just a few. Acronyms galore: SSWs, CTR, BOM, BOA, TBM, NOM, BKP, NCMO, DH (this one has a dual meaning), MMM (also dual--crap!).
• Kids - Lots of ‘em.
• The gift of tongues - You’ll notice the whitest dude you’ve ever seen speaking perfect Spanish at your local Alberto’s restaurant. This one’s a freebie.

Beware the red herrings. Subtle variations can make all the difference. Don’t fall into these common traps.

• The business goatee - It’s just not done. Mormons have goatees, sure. But not the suit wearing MBA types. If you see an otherwise clean-cut guy, on a weekday, wearing a suit AND sporting a goatee, I guarantee you it’s a non-Mormon cell phone salesman.
• Praying in restaurants - People often mistake this as a Mormon trait. I grew up in Utah, I even worked in a church-owned restaurant, and I’ve never once seen anyone do this. I think it’s more of a Southern thing.
• Women in dress pants - A cute, young family dressed up and walking down the street on a Sunday has to be Mormon, right? Wrong. Look again. The mom is wearing slacks. Even in a progressive city like Seattle, I’ll only see a pair of slacks in church once a month. I’d love to see some more though.
• The white t-shirt - If the white shirt peeking up from beneath the collar is actually white, it’s probably a no-go. We wear these things until they’re grey and yellow and falling apart.

Test your hunches.

• Good places to do this include the airport, tourist destinations, the hospital, the grocery store, and Idaho.
• Try to work subtle hooks into a conversation to see if they bite. Drop words like Utah, ward, funeral potatoes, or Kolob (add Kokob and Kokaubeam if you’re feeling adventurous).
• Once you become more confident in your abilities, you can always just straight up ask. You’ll be rewarded for your faith. However, if you’re wrong, you may get some funny looks.

Trust your gut.

• I cannot stress enough how Mormon-Dar is more of an overall feeling than anything else. Please don’t take the cues I listed above as a literal checklist. Being Mormon affects everything about you. It becomes a part of you. And it becomes apparent to the attentive observer. Be patient. Be sensitive. Be believing.

I’ll close with a story. My wife and I were at the doctor’s office being helped by a man in his late fifties. There were no exterior clues that he was Mormon, but I somehow just knew. I was trying to think of a way to work Utah into the conversation when he mentioned his son’s friend being a professional photographer. I asked where this photographer lived. He said Utah. Bam. We confirmed his Mormonity and realized we even knew his daughter. Turns out the photographer he mentioned was also our wedding photographer. It’s a small, small world within Mormondom.