What Church Dads Do

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by Richard Tait:

We have never lived near family. From the day I left for the Korea Pusan mission over three decades ago I never lived more than a few weeks at a time with those who raised me or who were raised with me. A product of the BYU marriage factory, my wife and I headed for Maryland seeking fame and fortune and a family of our own. All we found was our own tiny family of four; we have spent the rest of our days out here, always at least a long day’s drive away from grown brothers and sisters and their own burgeoning family tribes. Likening the scriptures unto ourselves, I identified somewhat with Book of Mormon Jacob: “the time passed away with us, and also our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream, we being a lonesome and a solemn people, wanderers, cast out from Jerusalem, born in tribulation, in a wilderness.”

To survive in this lonesome world on the East coast, we were forced to adopt ward families—communities of saints with shared beliefs and values, all who ably performed as stand-in brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, grandkids, cousins and grandparents. Just as all of us are adopted into the house of Israel, local ward members have been adopted into the house of Tait. As we grew in the gospel and served in the church, we adopted many individuals and families as our own. In particular, when I served as a bishop, I developed a fatherly love for many of the youth and young families it was my privilege to serve. Through the miracle of social media, as a proud “church dad” I can track the joys and sorrows, the opportunities and challenges, and the accomplishments and setbacks of my adopted children as they raise their own families and move forward in their professions and relationships. I revel in their progress and successes, and mourn with them in their variety of trials.

LDS Perspectives on the S-Word

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by Richard Tait:

I was raised in an orthodox Mormon home where some words were forbidden by family members of all ages. The S-word was one of them. However, since we are all modern, Mormon, and manly here, I thought it the perfect venue to explore alternative aspects of … stupidity.

Stupidity in Marriage

WARNING: THIS IS A LEXICALLY EXPLICIT EXPLANATION OF HOW TO END AN ARGUMENT THAT MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNG WIVES. MEN, PLEASE TEST THIS AT HOME BEFORE YOU TRY IT IN PUBLIC.

In my research on threads of stupidity that run through familial relationships, I have discovered a foolproof method of quickly and safely ending any argument with your wife. It consists of judicious application of three simple yet powerful words: "Because I'm Stupid." Here is how it works:

At sometime during your marriage relationship, possibly early on, you are going to do something stupid to really tick off your wife. It could be an act as simple as leaving dirty socks strewn across the living room, or as serious as totaling the minivan. Tensions will degenerate; harsh looks and words will fly recklessly between the both of you. Then your sweet mate, the wife of your eternities, will unleash the dreaded rhetorical question. This is a question that was never meant to be answered; its sole purpose is to trap you in a smelly pile of your own guilt, from which there is no escape. It usually comes out something like "Why do you NEVER pick up your smelly, filthy socks?" or, "What in the heck were you thinking when you ran into the back of that schoolbus?"

How do your wives expect you to respond to these questions? They are confident that you will vigorously try and defend yourself against their accusations, more often than not with a lame excuse like "the socks are same color as the living room carpet, so what's the problem?" or "don't worry - we have good car insurance and the bus was empty except for a few of those squirrely teenagers that have been causing problems in the neighborhood."

The lame excuses don't work; it's a sign that your wives have won. If they are going to win anyway (and they will, because smelly socks do NOT belong on the living room floor, and there really is NO EXCUSE for rear-ending a schoolbus), we should at least be able conclude the loss with creativity and flair. This is the point where, instead of the lame excuse, you respond with the three most disarming words in bilateral connubial dialogue: "because I'm stupid."

Guest Post: Breaking the Female Gift Code

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Have a post you think would be good on Modern Mormon Men? Both modern mormon men and modern mormon women can submit guest posts via email. In addition to your post, please include a post title and a paragraph of introduction (on yourself) to run above the post.

Richard Tait is the proud father of a returned-missionary son attending BYU-Idaho, and a beautiful high school senior daughter. He has been married to the same woman for 25 years, and its been the best 22 years of his life. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard hasn't missed a weekend post in over 200 weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland. You can read Richard's first guest post here.

Image via art.com

Men, there is hope for us yet. Women, you have a defector in your midst. When you find what dastardly evil my own wife perpetrated in compromising the completely unwritten but wholly binding female gift code, you’re going to want to grab your virtual pitchforks and torches, form an angry mob, and descend upon her like frightened Transylvanians staging a warlike protest in front of Frankenstein’s castle.

Why? Because she committed the unthinkable, unpardonable sin in the battle of the sexes- she intentionally, willfully asked for a kitchen appliance as a Mother’s day gift!

Stories of loving but emotionally ignorant husbands showering their better halves with gifts of non-stick cookware or lovely assortments of classic wooden stirring spoons is the stuff that legends are made of. I have heard sensational rumors of poorly-trained men doing such things, but never met one bold and stupid enough to actually do it. That was, however, before that fateful Mother’s day in 2008 when my wife begged me, with all the energy her soul could possess, to buy her a kitchen appliance as a present.

Guest Post: Disney Moments

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Richard Tait is the proud father of a married son attending BYU-Idaho, and a beautiful YSA daughter getting general education credits out of the way at a junior college . He has been married to the same woman for 27 years, and its been the best 25 years of his life. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard hasn't missed a weekend post in over 230 weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland. You can read Richard's other guest posts here and here.

Beautiful princesses dancing majestically with grotesque beasts; manly high school basketball stars inspiring teen masses with moving vocal performances in the school play; plain girls laboring in filthy cinders transformed into a Prince's true love at the ball; these are the Disney dramas that comfort us. They usually involve an unlikely hero conquering seemingly insurmountable odds to achieve a life that is lived happily ever after.

In the Disney universe, all the elements come together perfectly to form magical moments as often as one can press the rewind button on the remote. In the real world, however, they rarely occur; you have to look hard to find them. I saw this one a few years ago at a church dance.

There was a young teenage girl - to protect her future we'll call her Mabel. Outwardly, Mabel appeared to be your typical Laurel class member. Those who knew her, however, knew that she was, well, let's just say, different. She didn't fit in in almost every possible way an LDS teen queen could or should fit in; she said the wrong things at the wrong time, and didn't always care very much for the things that LDS culture demanded that a young woman her age should care about. Her Asperger's Syndrome took her social awkwardness to astronomical levels.

Guest Post: The Taco Solution

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Have a post you think would be good on Modern Mormon Men? Both modern mormon men and modern mormon women can submit guest posts via email. In addition to your post, please include a post title and a paragraph of introduction (on yourself) to run above the post.

Richard Tait is the proud father of a returned-missionary son attending BYU-Idaho, and a beautiful high school senior daughter. He has been married to the same woman for 25 years, and its been the best 22 years of his life. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard hasn't missed a weekend post in over 200 weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland.

WARNING: IF YOU’RE A TEENAGER, YOU’LL BE BORED BY WHAT YOU READ NEXT; SAVE YOURSELF BY TURNING AWAY AND GOING BACK TO YOUR VIDEO GAME!!

Readers, don’t be scared by the above disclaimer- its only purpose was to clear the decks for discussing a seemingly underhanded, yet practical and effective solution to keeping your teenage children morally clean before they get married. I know it works, because I was a guinea pig when it was field tested too many decades ago. I feel compelled to bless the sliver of humanity who read this blog by passing down the solution to successive generations; just make sure that anyone old enough to process what I’m about to present is too busy at the moment doing something else more important, like history homework.

The answer is … the Taco Solution.

I grew up in the middle of seven brothers and sisters, six of whom had approximately one-year gaps in their physical ages. So, when the torrent of teenage hormones ran like a “river of fire” through our family, it was more of a Katrina-like experience rather than a gentle trickle. But our parents were prepared. Why? Because years earlier, when we were on the playground throwing sand in the faces of the opposite sex, they envisioned the day when we would be yearning to spend more time alone with the faces of the opposite sex, so on Saturday nights they started feeding us tacos.

These were not normal tacos. These were meaty, spicy, fire-breathing tacos that should have been registered with the local fire department. By the time we had reached the terrible teens, we had been programmed that the whole world sat down on Saturday nights to eat tacos.

Guest Post: Turning Over In Your Grave

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Richard Tait is the proud father of a married son enduring graduate school at ASU, and a beautiful YSA daughter at LDSBC. He has spent 27 of the best years of his life married to the same woman for almost 30 years. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard has missed only one weekend post in the past 320+ weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland. You can read Richard's other guest posts here.

A House Divided

We all know what "turning over in your grave" means; the conjecture that someone who has passed away would strenuously object to an action carried out by someone else, often a loved one, who is still living. I'm certain we all know of situations where the son or daughter of a deceased parent has behaved so reprehensibly that knowledge of the incident and/or its evil impact penetrates the portals of death and disturbs the departed. It nominally refers to only the most heinous of crimes, such as murder, violations of established morality, or speaking ill of one's treasured alma mater.

But what does it really mean? Often we don't truly comprehend the reverberating waves of what is said until it impacts us personally and touches our very soul. I had a sincerely satisfying experience just a few weeks ago permitting me to fully appreciate what "turning over in your grave" means. However, quoting the merely mortal words of the completely fictional superhero Captain Underpants, before I tell you that story, I have to tell you this story.

This Story

The following post-teenage tragedy replays itself literally hundreds of times a year across the Wasatch Range, from the freshly-scrubbed streets of Provo to the smelly smokestacks of North Salt Lake - classic episodes of forbidden love. BYU boy meets UofU girl, or vice-versa, they fall madly in love with each other, and it is not until being blinded by the sparkle of romance that they arrive at the terrible realization that they are "sleeping with the enemy" and intend to marry a representative of their alma mater rival. However, filled with an abundance of love for each other, and a belief in President Kimball's mantra that any man and woman possessing enough selflessness and commitment to covenants can make a marriage work, they resolve to make each other happy despite their cavernous difference on this one aspect of life, and they do. The vicissitudes of life take over - children are born and raised, homes are bought and sold, and BYU-UofU sporting events are won and lost. All during this time the masses of bi-academic BYU-UofU marriages continue to function almost normally and bless the earth with a built-in healthy dose of conjugal conflict and rivalry that provide additional dimensions to the spice of life. Against all odds, these mixed couples usually successfully raise well-adjusted children in a loving, nurturing environment.

That Story

UofU Craig and BYU Janet met on neutral ground, fell in love, and got themselves married in the temple for eternity. Theirs was a love that would last the challenges of intense inter-school rivalry. They served in church callings, raised kids and neighborhoods, and maintained a marriage, all while not vacating their allegiance to their respective alma maters. The annual BYU-UofU football game parties at their house were legion - the world would stop turning for those four hours on that fall afternoon during intense discussion over the merits and weaknesses of each sides' capabilities to cross the goal line.

Guest Posting on MMM

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Looking back over the 250+ posts published in our first six months, some of the best have been from guest posters. If you haven't read the guest posts below, you should. Then you should ask yourself the following two questions:

Do I have something to contribute?
If yes, click here to find out how to guest post.

Do I know someone else who has something to contribute?
If yes, send this link to the person you thought of.

Richard Tait breaks the female gift code here.

Aaron shares great moments in sacrament meeting here.

Dustin Peterson shines while talking about his baldness here.

Sam Nelson diagnoses his feelings about his mission here.

DJ dances around his internal struggle with music here.

Glynn Wilcox mixes it up by sharing his favorite drink here.

Matt Lipps asks when he should use his lips here.

Bow Tie Guy puts in his ten cents with a discourse on tithing.

Read all guest posts here.

Guest Post: The Lonely Easter

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Richard Tait is the proud father of a married son attending BYU-Idaho, and a beautiful YSA daughter getting general education credits out of the way at a junior college . He has been married to the same woman for 27 years, and its been the best 25 years of his life. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard hasn't missed a weekend post in over 230 weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland. You can read Richard's other guest posts here.

via this blog

“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)

The Taits had a lonely Easter that weekend. I was starting a one-week business trip in a far-flung land so far away that it required me to be there on Sunday to be ready for Monday; our son was saving souls in North Carolina with his missionary companion; our daughter was still in school in Utah, and Deon was trapped at home holding down the fort. Technically, we weren't alone; we all spent time with someone we could be comfortable with - we just were not with each other.

Usually, it's never good to be alone during the holidays; I highly recommend against it. Easter, however, may be an exception. I don't think it is truly possible to comprehend in even a small way the Lord's atonement for us unless we are alone.

The atonement that Jesus wrought on our behalf was both infinite and eternal in its scope and application. To fulfill these requirements he would have to know and feel of every pain and sorrow mankind has felt. This includes the terrible agony of loneliness. Perhaps this is why God left him alone on the cross for a few moments? So he could know and feel what it was like to be alone?

Elder Holland explained it this way: “To all such, I speak of the loneliest journey ever made and the unending blessings it brought to all in the human family. I speak of the Savior’s solitary task of shouldering alone the burden of our salvation. Rightly He would say: “I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me. I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold [me].”

So it's OK to be alone on Easter. Being alone on this day of all days seems to grant appropriate respect for the loneliness the Savior shouldered on our behalf.

Our family's impromptu brush with loneliness will last only a short season. Towards the end of August, our son will be back from his mission; our daughter will be home from school; I'll be done with my business trips, and Deon will still be there keeping the home fires burning. What a joyous day that will be!

The Savior's lonely atonement makes it possible for us to never be lonely again; it is only through him that we may join our complete families in the Celestial Kingdom and enjoy the endless fruits of living in his presence. What a joyous day that will be!

Guest Post: Five Reasons In Favor of The Three Stooges

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Richard Tait is the proud father of a married son attending BYU-Idaho, and a beautiful YSA daughter getting general education credits out of the way at a junior college . He has been married to the same woman for 27 years, and its been the best 25 years of his life. Richard writes for his own blog, Mormon Third Eye, where he talks about the Third Eye ... the notorious eye in the back of the head, or the extra view of life that God blesses parents striving to do the right thing with so they can see more of life than the children they chase after. Amazingly, Richard hasn't missed a weekend post in over 230 weeks, a streak that started soon after he was released as Seattle Jon's bishop in Maryland. You can read Richard's other guest posts here.

Warning: Ladies, if you are caught up in the traditional “THE THREE STOOGES ARE JUST PLAIN STUPID BUT I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO I PUT UP WITH IT” mentality, look away now! This is going to be long and emotionally graphic!

My wife is your typical modern Molly Mormon mom who has bought into this mentality; I'm sure that there are many other LDS ladies out there wrestling with similar issues. So, if you are a woman that has read beyond the legally required warning label above, it is assumed that you are seeking help for your issues. This post may seem unbearably long to busy sisters overwhelmed with taking care of a husband AND kids, but this is important. Help is on the way. Read on.

My sweet wife must be just a wee bit disturbed that I have resurrected what she views as a seemingly superficial appreciation for The Three Stooges after at least a decade of dormancy. She overlooked my mania for the three kings of slapstick comedy when we started our lives together back in '84. As I have grown in the Gospel and in life, she probably assumed that I had matured out of that immature phase, and graduated to more settled, approved entertainment options such as soap operas and grisly crime dramas. However, I never really abandoned The Three Stooges; I just emotionally buried them for awhile, waiting for the right moment. Father's Day 2011 was that right moment.