The Mind. The Body.

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by Bitner (bio)

A couple months ago I competed in my fourth triathlon. Definitely a beginner, but I made some significant improvements in my training that translated nicely to race day and I set a personal record for time.

Training for a big endurance event is probably the best way to learn about the power of both mind and body. Going to the gym everyday is something that has been an important part of my routine for several years, but there is something about signing up for a triathlon (whether it's the registration fee or just the knowledge that the clock is now ticking) that makes my mind concentrate at a new level. It dominates a lot of thought and activity. It's also a totally different training routine so my body changes noticeably. Aside from the boost in cardiovascular endurance, my muscle tone changes and I get very lean. One frustrating effect is that I lose fast-twitch muscle and gain a bunch of slow-twitch endurance muscle, which means that I can't get my body to move the same way during the occasional flag football game or a basketball game. Oh well, I say, part of the process.

As the training progresses my mind visualizes the race. What will the swim feel like? How will the transition from swim to bike feel? How should I hydrate and eat on the bike so my legs don't cramp up when I dismount and prepare to run?

I tell myself things like, "My legs are going to feel strong when I get off the bike. I am going to be well-hydrated."

The day before the race the mind somehow tells the body, "Body, you're gonna get your butt kicked tomorrow. Gear up." And I have the urge to drink as much water as I can handle. I have pretty big appetite. (check that, I always do.) But then the butterflies float in. As I gather up my things before I go to bed, I try to relax. Try to be calm. In an effort to go to bed early to get extra rest, my body says, "No sir, not ready to sleep yet." And I continue to envision the race. Race morning comes. It always does. I begin with a light breakfast and some G2 Gatorade, drinking as much as I can throw down. My buddies arrive and we pack up the Pilot, loading up the bikes. It's go time. After the hour-ish drive - I NEED A URINAL. Oh man! I have to pee! "This is good," my mind tells me, "I am well-hydrated."

Sunday Stations

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by Bitner (bio)

When I was a kid my family had a weekly tradition of doing Sunday Stations. My five sisters and I would rotate through a gauntlet of productive stations in our house on Sunday afternoons. I remember the kitchen and dining room tables were often the locations for letter writing to a missionary in the ward, a grandparent or a cousin. One time I wrote the Prophet. (And got a reply!)

Letters were just one possible station, however. I would often have some time to work on merit badges while the sistas could work on YW stuff. Stations included journal writing, scripture reading, church videos, arts and crafts, scripture memorization, and the list goes on.

But the climax of any Sunday Station was the interview in my parents' bedroom.

No, they weren't interviewing each other! They would interview each of us kids one by one. During the meeting we would be paid our allowance for various weekly and Saturday chores (which were significant enough that the allowance, we all felt, was warranted). Once paid, we would set aside our tithing and savings monies and then have the rest for 'fun money'. (We were responsible for paying for our own school clothes, so 'fun' was kind of a broad term.) After any financial matters were cleared, we chatted about almost anything. It never seemed too lengthy, and with six kids to rotate through, it probably never was that long, but I'm guessing the over-under was seven minutes.

Member Missionary Work: What Does Success Look Like?

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by Bitner (bio)

For the last couple years I have been heavily involved in the missionary work in our ward. I have struggled to find a groove. Struggled to feel successful. After all, missionary work is hard.

Over the last several months we have placed a lot of focus on mormon.org, which is a phenomenal resource. In fact, we have had an entire family and two other singles join the church in large part because of the exposure they had to mormon.org. Have you created a mormon.org profile yet? You should. The spectrum of mormon profiles on mormon.org is extremely uplifting.

But I digress.

I was talking about struggling to find success. What is success in the realm of member missionary work, anyway? Is it helping someone to and through baptism and confirmation and beyond?

At a recent MBA conference up in NYC, I heard Clayton Christensen -- the well-known Mormon professor at Harvard Business School who was on the cover of Forbes this year -- speak about a variety of things. One thing he touched on was member missionary work (at an MBA conference?! Yup!). Turns out he knows a lot about it. He wrote an Ensign article about it and he has a website dedicated to it. From his Ensign article:

"Once we realized that we succeed as member missionaries when we invite people to learn and accept the truth, much of the fear that kept us from sharing the gospel vanished." Ensign February 2005

Touche, Brother. Success is in the invitation.

Packing for Sacrament Meeting

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by Bitner (bio)

If you have kids, you know what I'm talkin' bout. Sacrament meeting is not just a 70-minute meeting wherein we partake of sacred emblems and hear a wide variation of messages, not all of them spiritual. And not all of them heard.

No, sacrament meeting is an event that can seem to consume a full weekend and it must be packed for accordingly.

Wife: "Did you pack the grapes?"

Me: "Not yet, I'm busy getting the extra box of fishies from our food storage because we're all out!"

Wife: "Well, get the fruit snacks and the pretzels while you're at it!"

Me: "Don't forget sippies! We need water or these kids are going to beg for trips to the drinking fountain. But not too much or they're going to be begging to go to the ---"

Wife: "---I KNOW!!!"

Me: "Well...just checkin'. Wait, what did you need again?"

Wife: (heavy sigh) "Fruit snacks an ---"

Me: "--- I GOT IT!!!"

And that's the type of spiritually uplifting exchange that happens between husband and wife prior to the raced departure for sacrament meeting.

Philosopher for a Day

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by Bitner (bio)

My final class at business school was a unique leadership course called Leadership & Diversity Through Literature. It was taught by one of the sages of the school who hand-picked various iconic stories to use as case studies for leadership. We read about Chief Joseph, Don Quixote, King David, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Joan of Arc, and many others. It was a really fun exercise.

The classroom experience was heavily dependent upon class participation -- it was often half our grade, if not more. During one discussion about Joan of Arc, someone in class was discussing Joan's claim to be called of God. "I can't think of anything that we can be absolutely sure of, so it's hard for me to imagine myself being that certain that I was right [if I were Joan and thought I had received a 'call'.]"

Surprisingly, the professor did not drill down on the point of whether or not we can be certain of anything. And the idea that we are sure of nothing struck me as a non-truth.

I sat there stewing on it for a few minutes while the class discussion quickly moved on to other topics.

Soon, the professor called on me for my thoughts on 'what we can take away from the story of Saint Joan.' My response (it's not verbatim, but it's pretty close):

"For me the salient message of Joan of Arc is that she was certain about what she was called to do and she had the courage to act on that thing about which she was certain. Now, the question was raised earlier, 'Can we be sure of anything?' and I think the only answer to that question is, 'Yes!' because if the answer is 'No' then in the very act of saying we cannot be sure of anything, we are, therefore, saying that we are sure of something! (lots of laughs erupt, not sure if they are at me or not). I believe that we can be sure of some things. And that gives me hope."

[Sidenote: My mind must have been so drained from philosphizing that I failed to wrap up the comment by neatly tying it back to Joan and leadership.]

It may never happen again, but on that day I was a philosopher.

A Mormon Father's Prayer For His Son

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by Bitner (bio)

My fellow UVA alum, Tina Fey, recently posted a cute, funny, and sincere prayer, called A Mother's Prayer for Her Child. Go read it if you haven't yet.

I am the only son to my father and I am now the father of two sons. With Father's Day approaching and with Tina Fey's prayer on my mind, I have drafted the following prayer of a Father for his son(s). What would/do you include in your prayer for your son?

Dear God,

When my son eventually emerges from the 'girls are gross' phase of childhood, may he be a picture of self-control. Help him keep his snake in his cage and his mind, eyes, and hands to himself until he is married to his wife. Once married may he forever be a one-woman man. May he find repulsive the advances of the female colleague at work and the seductive look of the Young Women's president.

In high school, make him well-liked, but not disgustingly so. Do thy thang and keep him humble.

In the hundreds of Sunday School lessons and Seminary classes that he will attend but rarely pay attention to, may there be something that sticks. May there be enough seeds planted that faith eventually fills his being.

Give him strength to never accept the offered beer or cigarette, or myriad other substances that he is taught to avoid. May the Ginger Ale or the 2-liter Mountain Dew be the extent of his binge drinking.

The Wife is the Key

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by Bitner (bio)

Consider five of the most influential men in the world over the last 250 years. (The list is long, but let's consider five for the sake of argument.)

John Adams - a man of impeccable integrity, the foremost speaker of the Revolutionary era, successor to George Washington, and famous for his exchange of letters with both is wife, Abigail, and his rival-friend Thomas Jefferson.

Thomas Jefferson - author of the Declaration of Independence and the Virginia statute of religious freedom, successor to John Adams, father of the University of Virginia and self-taught architect and tinkerer..oh and lover of French wine.

JP Morgan - one of the greatest financiers of all time, single-handedly saved the American economy multiple times in the late 1800s and early 1900s, credited for building the Museum of Modern Art via his personal collection and support.

Winston Churchill - world champion polo player, world-class artist, authored 10 million words, one of the greatest (and funniest) statesmen in world history for his career in Parliament generally and his leading role in navigating WWII specifically.

Jack Welch - a came-from-nothing success story who had a volcanic rise through a stodgy, bureaucratic corporation, eventually becoming Chairman & CEO (possibly the best ever), known for fierce competitiveness and differentiation of people.

That's an incredible list of men.

What Happened to the Comma?

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by Bitner (bio)

Something happened to the comma. Incomplete sentences are commonplace in nearly all forms of writing now. The poor comma can't buy an appearance. Or maybe that tiny little grammatical tool - after a couple down years - began taking performance enhancing drugs and now looks like a period.

I. Don't. Know.

But I do know that the comma is being used less frequently and the period is all over the place. All. Over. The. Place.

Best. Punctuation. Ever.

Which brings up a second grammatical quandary: the exclamation point is over the hill. Unless it's paired with the word 'right' and a question mark, right?!

I know. Right?!

Guest Post: A Newborn's Perspective

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by Bitner (bio)

Steele was born last Wednesday morning; the third child of MMM contributor, Bitner. He has some insights to share from his last few days in the premortal realm and his first few days on earth, all of which have been in the Commonwealth of Virginia.

It was about 5:00 a.m. Wednesday morning when I needed a good stretch. An unintended consequence of my stretching was that my life-sack broke and one-third of my Vitamin Water disappeared. I love my Vitamin Water! Why would I intentionally get rid of some?

Well, regardless of any intentions, the process had begun. I was going to be born in a matter of hours from "stretch-gate" as it is now called. (By the way, wouldn't you want to stretch if you were upside down for a few weeks? So don't judge me.)

My mom, bless her heart, had intended to go natural. A hippie friend of hers talked her into it. As it turned out, I know she went natural because the doctor was saying, "whoa, ok, let's take that energy from the screaming up there and focus it down here, ok?"

And I was like, "Amen, Doc! If I can't have my Vitamin Water, it ain't that comfy here."

But nobody could hear me because I can't talk yet.

Talking is overrated. But this typing thing? Solid. I use my mom's netbook when she's asleep.

Anyway, so it was only about 20 minutes from the time we arrived at the hospital to the time I was out. I nearly pooped everywhere because the doctor nearly DROPPED me. For reals. That was not cool.

There's def some pluses and minuses to being a newborn. Getting bathed and cleaned = nice! Getting cream slathered in my eyes and shots in my heel = weak!

Learning new things is fun. I had to learn how to eat now that the Vitamin Water was gone (love you V-dub!) and I had no idea how the process works but I felt this urge to suck on something. My dad was holding me and I felt this thing on my cheek so I turned and started sucking. It was my dad's bicep. No nourishment there. It wasn't until later that I found some rich goodness flowing from my mom's chest area. She keeps saying "my boobs hurt" when I'm eating so I think that's what they're called, "Boobs Hurt."

But I can't see well, so I still get confused when I don't know who is holding me when I'm hungry. I still try sucking on my dad's bicep and I'm not sure what that says about his bicep. Or what it says about my mom's boobs. You decide.

I'm really glad my dad is clean shaven. All the brothers in heaven are clean shaven. All. Even the Top Two. Just sayin'.

Parenting Style: Discipline or Compassion

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by Bitner (bio)

For those dads and moms out there trying to find their parenting groove (I can't be the only one, right?):

In the last couple months the following two parenting articles have "crossed my desk." The first to arrive was "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior?" written by a (surprise!) Chinese mother. The second: "Godly Parenting: Compassion for Humanness," written by a Mormon man whose last name starts with God-. And by the way, by contrasting the two parenting styles, I'm not stating that one style is more "godly" than the other. Although that may be the case - you decide. I actually found both articles to be incredibly useful as I try to become a better parent. You might too.


Consider the following excerpt from Chinese Mom:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.

On the surface, a term like 'override their preferences' smacks of compulsion, force, and agency violation, no? We Mormons revere the principle of agency. But, in the context of parenting, is this act of overriding preferences truly a violation of agency? Perhaps parents are "allowed" (meaning God approves) to override a child's preferences?

The Responsible Man-ager

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by Bitner (bio)

A guest lecturer at class this week brought in a great article from Harvard Business Review that I have been thinking about. It's called The Responsible Manager.

Here is the core part of the column -- an 11-point list (and please forgive the professor's misuse of 'unchartered', he only teaches at Harvard):

• Understand the importance of nonconformity. Leadership is about change, hope, and the future. Leaders have to venture into unchartered territory, so they must be able to handle intellectual solitude and ambiguity.

• Display a commitment to learning and developing yourself. Leaders must invest in themselves. If you aren’t educated, you can’t help the uneducated; if you are sick, you can’t minister to the sick; if you are poor, you can’t help the poor.

• Develop the ability to put personal performance in perspective. Over a long career, you will experience both success and failure. Humility in success and courage in failure are hallmarks of a good leader.

• Be ready to invest in developing other people. Be unstinting in helping your colleagues realize their full potential.

• Learn to relate to those who are less fortunate. Good leaders are inclusive, even though that isn’t easy. Most societies have dealt with differences by avoiding or eliminating them; few assimilate those who aren’t like them.

• Be concerned about due process. People seek fairness-not favors. They want to be heard. They often don’t even mind if decisions don’t go their way as long as the process is fair and transparent.

• Realize the importance of loyalty to organization, profession, community, society, and, above all, family. Most of our achievements would be impossible without our families’ support.

• Assume responsibility for outcomes as well as for the processes and people you work with. How you achieve results will shape the kind of person you become.

• Remember that you are part of a very privileged few. That’s your strength, but it’s also a cross you carry. Balance achievement with compassion and learning with understanding.

• Expect to be judged by what you do and how well you do it – not by what you say you want to do. However, the bias toward action must be balanced by empathy and caring for other people.

• Be conscious of the part you play. Be concerned about the problems of the poor and disabled, accept human weaknesses, laugh at yourself – and avoid the temptation to play God. Leadership is about self-awareness, recognizing your failings, and developing modesty, humility, and humanity.

----

In class and most of the day, I was looking at the article through the lens of the manager, but if we were to apply this strictly to the modern mormon man, does it translate?

Know What You're Saying

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by Bitner (bio)

The older I get the more I am taken back by the poor understanding most Americans have of their native language. It's like they each say, "I could care less."

Maybe I just take it for granite that we Americans should know what we're saying. I mean if you don't know what your saying, that just doesn't pass mustard. Literally, it does not pass mustard.

But, thankfully most of us have a second leash on life. And we have unchartered territory to explore. You might be waiting there with baited breath, but I'm telling you it'll be ok. Be optimistic. There is reason for the bearish outlook. There is hope!

Opening Day Magic

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by Bitner (bio)

That's m'boy. He and I are geeked about Opening Day -- the beginning of baseball season and all that it entails. Baseball seasons are long. Heck, they consume both General Conferences each year! (btw, it's crazy how the season now begins in March and ends in November -- that's a bit too long, no?) But, new seasons bring new opportunities for players and teams to define themselves anew. If they performed below expectations last season, now is the time to exceed them. If they overachieved last year, now is the time to prove they belong in the discussion. Each new season brings new challenges, new tests.

Joining this blog is an Opening Day of sorts for me. I've blogged before -- although I'm not sure if I overachieved, underachieved, or just plain achieved. Regardless of how I performed in previous blog seasons, this one brings new at-bats, new conversations and dialogs.

Life brings Opening Days all the time. Having just completed the April Semi-Annual General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we mormons start Opening Day tomorrow. It's a new season to be better in some way. Or many ways. Until October when we rinse and repeat!

What else? Mondays are Opening Days. I'll soon welcome in a third baby to the world -- another Opening Day for me and certainly Opening Day for the Little Man Yet To Be Named. On May 22 I'll graduate from b-school and exactly three months later I will start my new job -- another Opening Day. Of course, there's also New Year's Day, the universal Opening Day. And I'm sure I'm forgetting some good ones.

Just remember: "if [you] don't win it's a shame!"

God bless baseball.