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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

New Christmas Traditions

by Bishop Higgins (bio)

We all have a number of family traditions that make Christmas special. If you're looking for a new tradition or two to add to your family's list, then I have inspired ideas that I'd like to share with you. Here we go!

Make reindeer kabobs.

Slip popular church pamphlets (like, How To Stay Morally Clean and that one about tithing) into your childrens' letters to Santa.

Look up "Jews" on Wikipedia.

Using hilarious joke coal as a neighbor gift to send the message you don't appreciate it when then leave trash in your yard. Joke coal is actually a candy they can eat, so you're still being a good neighbor, while letting them know that they aren't.

Take the homeless bowling, but only those that have their own bowling ball.

For married people only - The day after Christmas, take your spouse on a special erotic Christmas date night. Come up with some of your own possibilities, but feel free to use the line "Santa's been a bad boy" or something like that. I repeat. For married people only. If I find out my son Nathan does this, I will be madder than a wet bee.

Gather up a handful of old, unused Christmas gifts that you've got stored in the closet in the guest room. Get someone to take a picture of you using or wearing the item, then send that picture to the person that gave you the gift. (Hot tip -- smile big in the picture). Include a note that says how much you're enjoying the gift. This person wasn't planning on getting you something this year, but with such a reminder, they will feel guilty and give you a gift certificate to Applebee's. Sweet! You're getting a gift certificate to Applebee's!

Find out if your town has a village where little people live. See if anyone there needs a new sweater. Give them a sweater.

If you're the sort of person that is sick and tired of your kids asking if they can open one gift on Christmas Eve, then this year, instead of giving them pajamas, give them a live badger and let them open that on Christmas Eve.

Write a play your family can perform on Christmas Eve where Santa visits Jesus in the manger and gives Him an iPad for his birthday. Little children can play the parts of the animals in the stable.

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