Monday, July 18, 2011

Saintspeak 4: The Letter C



by Seattle Jon (bio)

Another installment from Saintspeak, the mormon dictionary from writer Orson Scott Card. Previous installments can be found here.

The Letter C

Celestial Kingdom - to get there you have to be righteous, hardworking, baptized, married in the temple, and willing to go for years without seeing any of your friends.

Chapel - to children, the worst place in the world from which they endeavor to escape at any cost. To teenagers, a place where they can talk endlessly without anyone yelling for them to get off the phone. To fathers, a place of refuge from the world where they may sleep. To mothers, the exact equivalent of a nightmare amusement park, where they must tend the children without rides, refreshments, or relief.

Church - 1. A building with a pulpit and a basketball hoop. 2. A loving fellowship of believers who gather together to help each other and serve God.

Clerk - the invincible and the invisible. If you ever want to move a mountain, parcel it out to all the clerks in the church and it will be done by the last Sunday of the month.

Conservative - after the presidency of Heber J. Grant, what all Mormons were perceived by nonmembers to be.

Correlate - to censor. "I thought when I wrote it that my poem was inspired; now that it's been correlated, it has achieved something finer: it is inoffensive."

Councilor - a member of a stake high council. A person with much responsibility and uncertain authority.

Counselor - one of the two non-presiding members of a presidency or bishopric. A person with much authority and uncertain responsibility.

Crickets and Seagulls - from the mormon point of view, the crickets came as a phenomenon of nature; god sent the seagulls. From the agnostic point of view, the coming both of the crickets and of the seagulls was natural. From the anti-mormon point of view, god was definitely on the side of the crickets.

Signature Books: here
Wikipedia (Orson Scott Card): here
Image via Signature Books

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