My Talk for General Conference

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by Bishop Higgins (bio)

In April 2006, Gerald Higgins was called as bishop and began documenting his experiences and even revealing some ward inside information. The blog was so popular that when he was released, in February 2010, most of his congregation started sinning again, consisting mostly of petulance, pride, and the worship of graven images. As a result, Gerald was recently reinstated as bishop and in addition to taking up blogging again here, will also occasionally write for Modern Mormon Men. Also, he just looked up the word petulance.

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I didn't speak in General Conference this year, but that hasn't stopped me from preparing a talk, just in case things change between now and October.

My talk is on the importance of husbands allowing their wives to get as many pillows for the bed as they want. In my experience, there is a direct correlation between the happiness in marriage and the quantity of bed pillows therein. Some of the happiest couples I know have a bedroom that would be mistaken for a pillow museum or pillow show-room.

I'm not going to say how many pillows a couple should have. That is to be left up to the individual couple and can only be decided after much fasting and prayer. And don't let anyone tell you how many you should have. Except eight is a baseline. At least get eight. But then, after that, don't let anyone tell you how many more you should have.

The pillows don't all need to be full size. Some of them can be cute, small, decorative pillows. In fact, some of them will need to be if you're going to get 20 or 30 pillows on that bed. And I don't need to tell you this, but some of those little Chinese pillows are so adorable.

Should you go in debt to buy a bigger bed in order to accommodate the amount of pillows needed to secure a happy marriage? Quite simply, yes.

And that's what I'd talk about in conference.