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Monday, May 6, 2013

An Open Letter to the Single Fathers of the Church

by Eliana (bio)

Image via pipitdapo
To be clear, I’m not your target audience: I'm married. But I've been thinking about you guys and it seems like you could use some help.

The most attractive thing you can offer women is to be a good dad. Whether that is one weekend a month, two weeks a year or full-time. I don't know what it is, but a grown man being sweet with kids even when they don't deserve it? Sexy as hell. Seriously.

You think I'm joking and that you should spend more time at the gym. No. Grossly overweight is a problem, but otherwise we don't care about your body that much. If you are over 30 and weird things are starting to happen to you physically—hair in unexpected places, weird red dots—don't freak out. Someone will still love you as long as you keep up basic grooming and hygiene.

I hear a lot of horror stories about you guys, especially your behavior using dating websites. Don't be stupid. Don't lead with how much you miss sex, even if it is true. Don't expect women to be desperate and willing to settle for you.

What else ... I know it is hard. No matter how you became a single dad, life hasn't been what you expected. Join the club. Maybe you thought you could coast after you got a lady in your life. And now here you are, right back in the thick of things. We the married sympathize. Really. We may cringe when we think about dating again, but if you aren't willing to be real with us then we'll probably keep trying to set you up. We don't mean to, it is just an instinct.

If you have girl children, find women in the ward to be in their lives. We women love that kind of thing. Probably not single women or they might be confused. But if there's someone you respect, let her know that your daughter could use a big sister figure. It isn't about you not being enough; it is about having the maximum number of loving adults in your child's life.

I've met some great ones in your Single Dad Club. Really impressive. And some super losers too. It takes all types. If you find yourself slipping towards the loser end of the spectrum, take some of this advice to heart. Own your faith, your trials, your dreams. Your kids are learning from you, even when they aren't around.

Good luck out there. We your fellow saints really are here for you.

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