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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Mormon TV Listings

by ldsbishop (bio)

Stuck for something to watch instead of having to play with the kids or talk to your spouse? Here are some of the forthcoming episodes of the hottest TV shows for the discerning Mormon viewer:

Tense drama where a young Relief Society President with depression has suspicions that a member of the Stake High Council might be plotting the release of her ward's bishopric.

General Conference - Behind the Pulpit
Documentary featuring never before seen footage of the rehearsals for General Conference. See President Monson get caught in an alliterative tongue-twister. Also a chance to see the un-broadcast version of the "Little Factory" talk by Boyd K. Packer that includes the phrase "your spewing chimney releasing its noxious substance." Viewer discretion advised due to language.

Breaking [the word of wisdom] Bad
A Young Men's President (the dad from Malcolm in the Middle) earns extra cash by making his own highly-caffeinated energy drinks that are sold around the back of seminary buildings.

Sesame Ward
The High Priest Group Leader (Oscar the Grouch) bemoans poor Home Teaching statistics. The missionaries (Bert and Ernie) bring an investigator (Grover) to church with hilarious consequences. Brought to you by the number 3 [hour block] and the letters Zzzzzzzzz.

Mormon Cribs
See how your Church leaders and other rich and famous Mormons live. In the latest episode Elder Dallin H. Oaks invites the viewer into his home and shows off his food storage room. Mitt and Ann Romney give us a tour of one of their homes, take us on a ride on their car elevator and show us where all those binders full of women are stored.

Open mic night at the Conference Center
A collection of jokes from General Authorities. Polite laughter is required even though most of them are not that funny.

FILM: Elder Bueller's P-Day
Near the end of his mission, Elder Bueller doesn't want to spend another day tracting the same old neighbourhoods, so he abandons his Zone conference to spend the day with some cool less-active members. Will he be able to evade his pursuing mission president?

Confusing, frustrating drama where a group of members get marooned on a desert island during a ward Temple trip. In the latest episode they stumble upon a hatch opening into an underground room filled with old computer equipment. They'll have to index thousands of census records a day or else the island will explode.

Diners, Drive-ins and Pot-lucks
Brother Fieri, a loudmouthed, obnoxious member of the Elder's quorum, travels the world seeking out the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) Mormon cooking. You can almost hear his arteries clog as he gets his wobbly chops around yet another heaped pile of Funeral Potatoes.

Bishop Who
Time travel romp where a Bishop travels through time and space, solving problems before they become issues of Church discipline in the future.

The Simpsons
Animated comedy following the lives of a typical Mormon family. In the latest episode, goody two-shoes, Molly Mormon daughter, Lisa, must complete her Young Women's value project despite the distraction of her fathers word of wisdom violations.

How I Met Your Mother
Really depressing "comedy" where we follow Brother Mosby as he fails time and again to succeed in a relationship. As the series progresses, he becomes the odd creepy guy who still attends the YSA ward even though he is way over 30. In the latest episode, Brother Mosby's best friend, Barney (Doogie Howser), finds himself in an awkward situation as two of his NCMOs are arranged for the same time.

Taxicab Confessions
Hidden camera show where a bishop in disguise drives his ward members around the town gathering details of their indiscretions. Instead of the need to pay a fare at the end of the journey, participants are instead handed an invitation to a Church disciplinary council.

Comedy about a group of Mormon students who couldn't get into BYU and have to settle for UVU instead. Characters include Brother Pierce (a horribly ageing Chevy Chase) who's forever complaining about the women's immodest clothing and Brother Abed who hasn't quite been the same since a bad mission experience.

Mad Priesthood
Drama in which a group of High Priests are determined to keep their ward stuck in the 1950's, no matter what. In the latest episode Sister Joan wants to wear a pantsuit to Church, an incident that causes more drama than the Cuban missile crisis. Watch as Brother Sterling attempts to explain why this is inappropriate while stealing sneaky glances at her heaving bosom.

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