A Brief Twitter History Of The Author - 2010

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by brettmerritt (bio)

Radio host or leader of the zombie apocalypse?

I know it may seem like a selfish exercise posting my blips and blurbs from nearly two years ago and passing it off as a blog post. I get that, but that's precisely why I think it's interesting. These tweets from years gone by can give me (us) a look into what was on the radar. Larry King's divorce and retirement. The finale of "Lost." What you don't see are my comments on our trip to Disneyland and re-tweets of Alyssa Milano. (I go through celebrity follow phases.) My main reason for this trip to Twitter's past is I hope you can get some enjoyment from it. So, here for your reading pleasure, are my best tweets from 2010. You can read my best tweets from 2009 here.



February

• There are a million things that will make me laugh but only a handful of things that make me really enjoy laughing.

March

• SPOILER! The twist at the end of "Shutter Island" is that they were actually using curtains the whole time.
• I guess I'd rather have a sore back than back sores. #amirite

April

• I aspire to someday have disposable income. And by that, I mean enough money to fix my sink and disposal should anything go wrong.
• When someone wins the Masters, do they finally get the credentials they need to teach golf in college?
• Our dog is the Woody Allen of dogs. He is so neurotic. Also he tries to hump every Asian teenager he sees. And he loves jazz. 
• Larry King is getting a divorce so he has more time to hang out with his college buddies Ben Jonson and Christopher Marlowe. 

May

• Jesus, take the wheel ... because I think I just hit another pedestrian.
• I hope the LOST finale answers the mystery of why people who sensed it wouldn't meet their expectations kept watching anyway. 
• I described my poolside manner as ashirtive. 

June

• I just heard that the marionette operator for Larry King's corpse is retiring. A sad day for puppet enthusiasts everywhere.
• I made smoothies today. They tasted like freezer burned blueberries and cigarettes. 

August

• Heard a guy say he doesn't have a Facebook and doesn't get it. Odd. But I guess that's how I always felt about Perineumbook.

September

• #rockretractions Sorry, in all fairness, I should mention she returned the stairway for store credit.

October

• "Pride is the sin of comparison." - Uchtdorf #ldsconf
• The auto spray air freshener at Lube Doc just pelted me in the side of the head. My temple smells like potpourri. 
• Marshmallow Eternal Mateys #MormonFlakes
• Captain Moroni Crunch #MormonFlakes

2011's installment will be coming next. Until then, feel free to follow me on Twitter for all the goods. My handle is @brettcmerritt.