Thursday, February 16, 2012

Men Are That They Might Have Joy … On The Court This Season



We're excited to introduce Coach Billingsworth, who came to our attention when he left a comment on this post as ChurchBallCoach. We liked his attitude, so invited him to document this year's church ball season.

Coach Billingsworth is a lover of basketball. As a three-year regional championship coach, he has a natural eye for talented players and works to farm the youth at a young age and develop their skills on and off the court. As a frequent caller to the Jim Rome show, Coach Billingsworth has the unique ability to fuse basketball and Mormonism together like jello and fruit.


We’re finally here … church basketball season! I haven’t yet been called by Bishop Thorpson to once again be the basketball coach, but frankly, I know it’s only a matter of time. Why? Because I’m a winner. Three regional championships in a row don’t lie. I’ve set a meeting with the bishop to discuss new plays for this season as well as a new prospect we’ve been fellowshipping who just so happens to be 6’ 8”. I call him “Hightower” but his real name is Clarence and boy … can he play.

I plan to run some extra practices with the team before the actual season starts because I want everyone to get use to playing the “Triangle” again. It took Phil Jackson a few years to get the Lakers to play it correctly. But I don’t have three years, I have three weeks. However we’ve got faith on our side so I’m not worried about it. “Endure to the end” is what I tell my teams just before tip-off.

So let’s go over the starting roster this year.

1. Hightower: 6’ 8” power forward/center with elbows like Karl Malone. I’ve just called him on a mission. A mission to man-handle the inside paint.

2. White Lightning: 5’7” point guard with super-speed and great court vision. His motto is, “Did you think to pass?” Very Jimmer-ish.

3. Silky Johnston: 6’1” forward/wing with tenacious defense. He’s a real hand-in-your-face kind of guy. Drives players crazy. He returns flagrant fouls with honor.

4. Brigham Young: 5’10” wing who’s a real shooter. He’s got more trick plays than the real Brigham Young had wives. He’s our youngest player on the team and his first name is Brigham so hence … Brigham Young.

5. Daniel Jorgenson: 6’ 3” forward/wing. Daniel is probably our most one-dimensional player, but his size and ability to rebound makes up for his lack of shooting. “I love to see the temple,” his elbows coming down on other players' temples on a good rebound that is.

We’re excited to get this team out on the floor for our first match-up. We’ll have the spectators standing all amazed at our great playing this season. How do your teams match up?

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