New Year's Resolution Update

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by Topher Clark (bio)

Hey all. I just wanted to write and give you an update on how my New Year's Resolution is going, since it's the last day of the first month of the year. In case you don't know, because I never publicly announced it, I have resolved not to text and drive in 2012. In past years I have set several resolutions, and I've kept most of them, but I've never felt more strongly about just setting one resolution than I have this year. Because it's a matter of life and death! Ask Oprah.

Anyway, my update is that I am not doing very well with this resolution. My car is somewhat safer than it was in 2011, but it's still basically a deathtrap.

I feel a lot of guilt about this because my father, literally, passed a law in Utah to make texting while driving illegal. So I'm incredibly hypocritical, and on top of that, a disrespectful son. I deserve a fender bender, I do! That would teach me. But so far nothing. I just go my merry way, passing innumerable blocks and jetting through traffic lights while making plans and sending questionable pictures to my wife.

But I am better. I have improved. There are days where I ONLY text at red lights, and that's a step in the right direction. Most days I do that. And I have that feature on my phone where I can speak into it and the text automatically types up. But even when I use that feature I'm still looking down at my phone a lot, and the autocorrect on that thing is insane! I will clearly say "be there in fifteen!" and my phone will write "big hair in canteen" and then I have to start over and use crazy clear diction. Who has time for that? Not this guy.

But I also don't have time for killing people, including myself. So I'm resolved to do better. January = bad progress but February = way better progress. In the meantime, DO NOT DRIVE WITH ME IN MY CAR. DO NOT DRIVE NEAR ME OR COME CLOSE TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD. And if you get a text from me, you can probably bet I'm on I-15 near Lehi.