Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How Mormon is Mitt Romney?



by Seattle Jon (bio)

I won't call it a crush, as ScottHeff did here, but I too am a huge Joanna Brooks fan. I enjoy listening to her regularly on Mormon Matters (also recently on APM's Being podcast with Krista Tippett here) and try to read as much of her writing at Religious Dispatches as I have time for.

Awhile back she took a break from her usually politics-heavy column to post some incredibly funny "Mitt Romney is so mormon ..." jokes. Here are a few of my favorites. You can read the rest here. Do our readers have any to add?

Mitt is so Mormon he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.

Mitt is so Mormon he’ll ask the Senate to “sustain” his appointees by manifesting with an upraised hand.

Mitt is so Mormon he’s organizing his precinct walkers in pairs to knock doors with a very special message.

Mitt is so Mormon he’d make the Book of Mormon required reading at the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

Mitt is so Mormon, that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”

Mitt is so Mormon he’ll choke up and weep during his inaugural address. And then say, “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.”

Mitt is so Mormon, he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just so he can save it.

Mitt Romney is so Mormon that he’s afraid to join the Tea Party because of Doctrine & Covenants 89.

Mitt is so Mormon he’d ask the Elders Quorum to move him into the White House.

Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to Congress as “The Great and Spacious Building.”

Mitt is so Mormon his Secret Service codename will be Mahonri Moriancumr.

Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll appoint Lavell Edwards head of the Department of Defense.

Mitt is so Mormon he’d convene a linger-longer after cabinet meetings.

Mitt is so Mormon, he will add the phrases “every fiber of my being” and “beyond a shadow of a doubt” to the presidential oath of office.

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