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Thursday, April 28, 2011

Dear Testimony Meeting

by Eric Devericks (bio)

Dear Testimony Meeting,

You are a sweet, sweet spirit, but I must admit that I have a hard time loving you. Maybe it’s because you’ve long had a rash that, with the help of your doctor has finally cleared up, or perhaps you’ve “drank a lot of beer”, or “slept with a lot of women.” And let’s not forget that time you, “had an affair with the young women’s your heart.” (all actual testimonies) In general sweetie, there are things about your life, many things, that, to be honest, I just don’t want to know.

If it were just your lack of candor and propensity to disclose inappropriate content, I could stay in my seat and we could still be friends. Truth be told, my dear sweet Testimony Meeting, it is your delivery that has me frequenting the bathroom or hanging out in the lobby desperately trying to avoid you. It’s the way you get all choked up, unable to speak. It’s those long dramatic pauses and like a cheese grater to my brain you make that clicking sound with your mouth as you try to carry on. That clicking sound pierces my very soul, snuffs out the burning in my bosom and drives me to that dark place, slouched forward, head in hands and staring at the floor.

Please Testimony, please change your ways. I want to stay with you for the children. I want to stay with you for obedience and for the hope I hang on to that one day you will share something with me that makes it all worth it.


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