by Seattle Jon (bio)
This is my first installment from Saintspeak, the hilarious mormon dictionary from writer Orson Scott Card. The book is available free online from Signature Books.
Blessing
1. The ordinance in which hundreds of male relatives, home teachers, and members of the bishopric surround a newborn baby and bounce it up and down while someone, usually the father, mumbles into a microphone. Trapped and outnumbered, the child usually screams, unless it is unconscious.
2. A traditional prayer offered over meals. Members of normal Mormon families take turns saying pretty much the same phrases a thousand times a year. Fervent believers insist on saying something new at every blessing. Fanatics do the same but also say blessings over candy bars, medicine, and party refreshments.
3. The ordinance of anointing and laying on hands to heal the sick; most commonly done to those not sick enough to need a doctor or so sick the doctors have given up hope.
Signature Books (online library): here
Wikipedia (Orson Scott Card): here
Ender's Game (movie update): here
Image via Signature Books
