I am a Fatherless Mormon by JAR
There is a lot of unpacking to do with that statement; let
me begin by expressing my understanding of a couple of key items.
First, I understand that the Church very recently shifted
away from using the term “Mormon.” Fortunately for us little people, the
restrictions of having to change our vernacular are less draconian than
anything published officially. Besides, “Fatherless Mormon” rolls off the
tongue much better than “Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints Who was Raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints by a
Single Mother Who was Also A Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints.”
Second, I understand that nobody is technically fatherless
(although it is in the Bible--just saying). Spare me the platitudes about “you
always have your Father in Heaven” blah, blah, blah… That’s not much of a
consolation to a young boy wondering why other kids are baptized by their dads;
a deacon trying to understand what it means to hold the priesthood; or a priest
struggling--and ultimately losing--to fight the temptations of the world with
no righteous example of priesthood leadership in the home. True: I can look
back now and understand that Heavenly Father has always been there for me; but
at the moment, I found it impossible to see an eternal perspective.
Finally, with the term “fatherless,” I want you to
understand that I do not mean to disparage or discount any of the fatherly
influences I have received throughout my life. My grandfather had a very active
hand in raising me--and as a youth, I always looked up to him as my primary
father figure; much of my attitudes and opinions during my early life were
directly inspired by him. I also had several close uncles whose impacts were
keenly felt as well. The list includes countless older cousins, church leaders,
school teachers, family friends, etc., etc., etc. But none of these men could
have, should have, nor did lay claim to me as their direct responsibility. My
eternal welfare did not rest on their successes or failures--the buck stopped
right here. I thank each and every one of them for their guidance and counsel
through the years; they have been immeasurably significant to me personally.
I save a special place in this article for my [step]
Dad--the man to whom I am sealed. He did not come into my life until halfway
through my youth, and his influence has been felt mostly as an adult; this is
due to reasons that I will not expound upon here. Just know that I love him and
I am thankful for him--his stature among those whom I consider father figures
is held with the highest regard.
I have spent my adult life trying to determine how to be a
Man, a Priesthood Holder, a Husband, and most recently a Father with only
secondary--sometimes blatantly unrighteous--examples from which to draw
experience. My intention here is to share the thoughts and feelings I have
endured as I have grown throughout my adult life, especially through
fatherhood. Sometimes these will be gospel-related, and sometimes they will
not. Sometimes they may be funny and sometimes they may wrench tears from my
eyes. But isn't life like that for everyone?
I hope telling my story can help some of you out there who
are like me.
After all… I am more
than just a Fatherless Mormon.
This is the first in a series of posts from JAR. New post
will go up every two weeks.
You can contact JAR at modernmormonmen@gmail.com
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JAR
