by Seattle Jon:
Another installment from Saintspeak, the mormon humor dictionary from Orson Scott Card. Previous installments can be found here. Reproduced with permission from Signature Books.
Telestial Kingdom 1. The only place in the hereafter where no one will be surprised to see anyone except himself. 2. The only place in the hereafter where you won't have to make a bunch of new friends. 3. The only place in the hereafter where there will be enough Mormons to hold a really good softball tournament.
Temple Recommend The Church's equivalent of a good credit report.
Temple Square The place where tourists who thought they were getting away from it all discover they're just getting into it.
Terrestrial Kingdom The eternal dwelling place of those who did everything they were told without once wondering why.
Testimony An attempt to explain in words what words cannot explain, to people who cannot understand you unless they already know.
Thou The second person singular pronoun in English. If you occasionally use the second person singular correctly in your prayers, people in the ward will think you made a mistake. If you use it often, they'll think you're a bit odd. If you use it elegantly and consistently, they'll think you're a self-righteous prig.
Tithing The celestial kingdom annual activity fee.
Tracting What missionaries do whenever they can't find any members to visit.
Translated Correctly What the Bible wasn't wherever it refutes my argument.
Trunky The normal state of a Mormon missionary.
Truth What the Saints will have all of, as soon as it clears Correlation.
Two Years Supply If half the Church would get a two-years' supply instead of one, the rest of us could ignore the whole thing and the Church would be, on the average, obedient.
Seattle Jon is a family man, little league coach, urban farmer and businessman living in Seattle. He currently gets up early with the markets to trade bonds for a living. In his spare time he enjoys movies, thrifting and is an avid reader. He is a graduate of Brigham Young University and the Japan Fukuoka mission field. He has one wife, four kids and three chickens.
Image credit: Signature Books (used with permission).