by Seattle Jon (bio)
Another installment from Saintspeak, the mormon humor dictionary from Orson Scott Card. Previous installments can be found here. Reproduced with permission from Signature Books.
Lady Missionary Until recent years, disobedient women who weren't married by age twenty-one were permitted to go on missions as a sort of penance. Now, however, many parents encourage their daughters to go on missions before they marry, out of the strange belief that if a period of total dedication to the service of the Lord is good for boys, it will also be good for girls. Elders usually hate to have lady missionaries in their districts because they are distracting, they need special treatment, and they work so hard it makes the boys look bad by contrast.
Last Days The terrible time when Mormons will actually have to eat all that wheat and honey and powdered milk they've been storing all these years.
Laurels What no one in the Church is permitted to rest on.
Laying on of Hands What missionaries are not allowed to do with members of the opposite sex.
Lineage of Cain What black people USED to have that kept them from being able to hold the priesthood or get married in the temple.
Loud Laughter Something to be avoided except when a General Authority makes a joke during a talk.