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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Saintspeak 8: The Letter F

by Seattle Jon (bio)

Another installment from Saintspeak, the mormon humor dictionary from Orson Scott Card. Previous installments can be found here. Reproduced with permission from Signature Books.

Faith-Promoting Story Any story that makes you feel glad you're a mormon, even if you can't bring yourself to believe it.

Family is Forever What it feels like on the fourth day of vacation.

Farewell A sacrament meeting in which a newly called missionary proves that you don't have to know anything about the gospel in order to preach - you just have to know it's true.

Fast Day The first Sunday of the month, when normal mormons skip breakfast and eat one huge meal right after church. Fervent believers also skip dinner the night before, while fanatics don't drink any water, brush their teeth, chew gum, or bathe for twenty-four hours.

Fast Offering A donation in which mormons give to the poor the price of the two meals they skipped on fast day. The size of the average donation should make the poor very grateful they don't have to live on such a tiny food budget.

Folk Doctrine Doctrines that grow up out of rumors and wishful thinking. For example, it is a common folk doctrine that in the pre-existence, children chose the parents they'd be born to. This idea is harmless as an expression of affection in happy homes, but it leads to the logical conclusion that the children of child-abusers quite literally asked for all the suffering they get.

Friend The official church publication for children. Because children are a far more discerning and demanding audience than adults, The Friend regularly contains the best writing and artwork published by the church.

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