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Monday, August 22, 2011

Too Old For Church

by DeanJ (bio)
Stunningly at thirty-something I have the ability to longingly gaze into the past. Specifically, this time, at the years growing up and going to church. And I realized that there are a lot of things you just can't do after a certain age in church. Shall we?

I am too old to keep the sacrament cup and play with it in my mouth. This sounds odd, but in little Dean's younger years this was the holy grail to sneak past mom and dad in church.

I am too old to eat my kids treats we bring to feed them/shut them up during church. Sometimes when I get to church I realize I forgot to feed myself, and suddenly Cheerio's and goldfish look delicious.

I am too old to fold the program into a paper airplane or fortune game. Well, I am for myself but if my son wants some help or pointers I should teach him.

I am too old to go get a drink from the fountain more than once. It looks bad and then the kids wonder why they can't go do it.

I am too old to go to the bathroom more than once. Or as most people use it for: a lap around the building.

I am too old to lean over and *cough* yeah right *cough* to my wife during testimony meeting.

I am too old to throw a fit just so I can go sit in the nice air-conditioned hallway instead of the hot sacrament meeting room.

I am too old to turn around, stand on the pew and stare at the people behind me so I can put faces to the unbelievable story I just eaves-dropped on.

I am too old to go sit by my friends when I see them across the room. And they have better toys than we brought.

I am too old to actually watch the movie on the iPad (on mute of course) during sacrament that is keeping my two year-old from having a nervous breakdown.

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