Vote or Die 9: Which Church Time Is Best?

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by Scott Heffernan:

It’s a new year! A time for renewal, a time for resolve, a time for change. For most of us, the hours we have been designated to attend our local ward congregation has shifted with the new year. Most LDS church schedules go for three hours on Sundays rotating annually between 9am to 12pm, 11am to 2pm, and 1pm to 4pm. (I know there are exceptions to this, but these are the most common.) So which one is the coveted slot?

I’m automatically throwing out 1 o’clock because it is so obviously the worst (barring aforementioned exceptions like 2:30pm to 5:30pm—what!?). If 1 o’clock is your favorite time slot, I’m not sure I even want you taking this survey. If you feel strongly about it, go ahead and try to win us over in the comment section. We’ve probably all had a similar dialogue about the two earlier spots. 9 o’clock is a little too early, but it's great because you get it over with and have the rest of your Sunday ahead of you. 11 o’clock gives you a bit of time to sleep in, but getting out at 2 doesn't quite have the same swagger that getting out at noon does.

What say ye?

See all Vote or Die posts here.


Scott Heffernan is a graphic designer and photographer in Seattle. He works on the creative team at Archie McPhee doing all manner of strange things. He grew up a child of the ‘80s in Salt Lake City, served a mission to England/Wales, and got a degree in American Sign Language from the University of Utah. After marrying his sweetheart, they moved to Seattle and had three beautiful baby boys together. He loves toys, skateboarding, and thrift store shopping and has impeccable Modar. Twitter: @ScottHeffernan. Tumblr: ScottHeff.tumblr.com.

Vote or Die 8: Celebrity Assignments

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

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Vote or Die 7: Uninvited Guests

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

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I have always been intrigued, and simultaneously terrified by the supernatural. I love watching scary movies, but then slightly regret it when I'm trying to get to sleep at night.

I posed this question on my old blog and some interesting points came up. Ghosts don't seem to be able to do much more than actually scare you. They move furniture, make your dogs bark, and breathe down your neck. Creepy. While aliens are associated with abductions, probing, and genocide. Messed up. However, it seems that one is more likely to encounter a ghost than an alien (if you believe in either one). Also, you could, in theory, physically fight an alien. (I'm keeping a baseball bat under my bed from now on.) So perhaps that evens out the overall score. I guess what it comes down to is where your thoughts turn when you're all alone and hear a bump in the night.

Vote or Die 6: Which Modest Is Hottest?

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

See all Vote or Die posts here.

Modesty is so hot right now. It's taking up my mind and my Facebook wall. You've no doubt heard about the recent incident at BYU involving Brittany Molina, a young woman who received a special note on Valentine's Day politely informing her that her clothing is harming God's children.

You may also remember Rachel Vermillion from a couple of months ago, a BYU-Idaho student who couldn't take a test because her pants were too tight for the taste of the testing center overlords.

So which outfit is saucier? Who would you write a condescending note to? I sincerely hope the answer is neither. (But I also hope for the sake of the vote, you'll pick one or the other.)





Some have pointed out that both of these outfits do, in fact, violate the honor code that these women agreed to. Rachel's clothes are somewhat "form-fitting" (whatever that means exactly). Brittany's dress cuts off above the knee, and even though she has thick, opaque winter tights on, this technically still violates the honor code. So why have the reactions to these incidents been so strong?

Vote or Die 5: The Best of MMM 2011

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Modern Mormon Men was launched mid-Apri of 2011. We are still young, but we’ve already had some great times. We are really proud of our first year. What have you liked so far? We looked at page views and “likes”, among other things, to come up with a list of some of our favorite posts. Please vote below for your favorite MMM post. Feel free to write one in if you don't see your favorite. How did we do our rookie year? Anything you would like to see more of? Less of? Or did we nail it all first try?


Fatherhood Top Fives by Scott Heffernan.
I'm His Dad by Josh.
I Had A Bad Feeling About Serving A Mission by Sam Nelson (Guest).
I Know This Is Going To Make You Mad by Josh.
In Character: Bishopric Edition by Topher Clark.
Joplin, Missouri by Saint Mark.
On Becoming Sterile by Reed Soper (Guest).
On Queers and Marriage: Messieurs, I Respectfully Disagree by Luke Warmer.
Mormon Alliteration by Seattle Jon.
Mormon Radar: How to Spot a Mormon by Scott Heffernan.
The Six TV Shows That Make Me a Better Man by brettmerritt.
This Is Not A Post About Swinging by Aimee.
Welcome Casserole by Bishop Higgins.

Vote or Die 4: Hungry Communion

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

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Which kind of sacrament bread do you prefer to partake of? White bread or wheat bread?

Form pales in comparison to meaning when it comes to this ritual. But be honest with yourself...

Do you go for health or flavor? Do you sneak an early glance to see what’s coming? Is there an ever-so-slight disappointment in your heart when you reach out and feel a stale, crusty chunk? Does it enhance your spiritual experience when the bread is fresh, fluffy, and delicious? Do you take a larger piece if it looks good (or if it’s fast Sunday)? Do you aim for crust? No crust? Anyone in a ward that does homemade bread? Ever had cinnamon bread? And what about the celiacs?

Vote or Die 3: Prodigal Sons

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

See all Vote or Die posts here.

Who would we rather have back? Aaron Eckhart or Richard Dutcher?

Aaron Eckhart is a famous Hollywood actor well known for such films as Thank You for Smoking, The Dark Knight, and Battle Los Angeles. He was also raised Mormon, graduated from BYU, and served a mission to France. He keeps his spiritual life rather private, but has commented, “I'm sure people think I'm a Mormon, but I don't know that I'm a Mormon anymore, you know? To be honest, to be perfectly clear, I'd be a hypocrite if I did say that I was, just because I haven't lived that lifestyle for so many years.”

Richard Dutcher is known to some as “The Father of Mormon Cinema.” He wrote, directed, and starred in God’s Army and Brigham City, among other films. He also gave us God's Army 2: States of Grace. In 2007, he famously wrote a parting letter to Mormon Cinema and expressed his stance regarding the church, “I am no longer a practicing member of the church. The private answers to the questions I have asked in my prayers, and in my films, have led me on an unexpected journey, a spiritual path which may ultimately prove incompatible with Mormon orthodoxy.”

Now of course we want them both back. We want 'em all back! But if you had to choose, what would make you happier? Brother Eckhart on Ellen DeGeneres, discussing his search for a worthy young woman to make his eternal companion in the Los Angeles Temple? Or watching God's Army 3: Pops Hies to Kolob?


Images via obsessedwithfilm.com and motleyvision.org.

Vote or Die 2: Presidential Dreamboats

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

See all Vote or Die posts here.

In my opinion, the Mormons have got the two most handsome presidential candidates (at least now that Donald Trump  is out). Romney may be more devout, but does righteousness make you hotter? Both clean-cut and majestic. Both salt and pepper (one more salt, the other more pepper.)

Women: I know you’ve thought about this. Heavenly Father knows you’ve thought about this. It’s time to admit it and tell us where your loyalties lie.

Men: Don’t pretend like you can’t tell whether a man is attractive or not. Again, God knows when you’re lying (even if you’re lying to yourself). Time to man up and get in touch with your feminine side.

Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman Jr. may have to verbally duke it out in the near future, but who will look better doing it?

Vote or Die 1: Posthumous Embrace

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by Scott Heffernan (bio)

See all Vote or Die posts here.

I used to run a site called Vote or Die Blog. It presented a random question with an either/or option that readers would vote on. Notable posts include:

Who would win in a fight? Chandler or Ross (from Friends)?
Who looks more like Sam the Eagle? Don Imus or John C. Calhoun?
What are you more afraid of? Ghosts or Aliens?
Who is the cooler Jehovah’s Witness? Ja Rule or Lark Voorhees?

Much to the sadness of readers (my wife and my parents), posts slowed, then stopped. I hope to resurrect the Vote or Die style and occasionally post them here on MMM. Sometimes they border on irreverent and sometimes they’re way beyond that, but please realize it is not my intention to offend. And always remember to vote with your heart.

Beloved by Mormons and gentiles alike, these revered men were taken from us too early. Perhaps the Lord needed them to inspire spirits on the other side. I wonder what they're up to.

Fred McFeely Rogers hosted the endearing Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood (although one wonders if it would have been as highly acclaimed had it been presented under it’s original name, Uncle McFeely’s Den of Little Wonders). He was an advocate for PBS funding as well as for the VCR. You Tivo/DVR users owe him a big hug when you see him. He was a vegetarian Presbyterian minister. Oh and did I mention that he neither drank nor smoked? BAM. I know we’re not allowed to take material possessions with us when we pass, but I like to think that the Reverend is still sporting a cardigan.

Christopher Reeve a.k.a. Superman was actually quite versatile. Aside from acting, he was an experienced pilot and competitive horse rider. He was an environmental activist and proponent of embryonic stem cell research. Also a man of integrity, he was known to turn down big roles that were offered if he felt he was not right for the part. American Gigolo, Lethal Weapon, The Running Man, Pretty Woman, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Spicoli) are but a few of the movies he passed on. He turned down a lead role in a TV series as it would have moved him from NYC to LA, further away from his children living in London. Perhaps his only sins were Superman III and IV.

But this is not a competition to decide who was a better person. Who do you think would be more receptive to the missionary discussions? Let the speculating begin.